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Subscribe to RSSA school district in Utah is defending its decision to “out” a middle-school student as gay to his parents in light of safety and bullying concerns.
“The administrator did exactly the right thing,” said Rhonda Bromley, a spokeswoman for the Alpine School District in Lehi, Utah. “We are not going to back down. We take bullying very, very seriously.”
The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network urged caution in these situations.
“Schools should not out LGBT students without their consent,” said GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard. “Outing a student not only violates their right to privacy, but also could compromise their safety. Parents can be notified of their child being bullied at school, but without disclosing their sexual orientation or gender identity.”
The situation started last week when the 14-year-old’s class at Willowcreek Middle School was assigned to create an advertisement about themselves to hang on the classroom wall. The boy wrote about being gay, Bromley said.
When the teacher approached him about whether he wanted to share that information publicly, the boy said he did. The teacher decided to involve the assistant school principal, who spoke with the boy and counseled him on talking with his parents.
The student was hesitant to approach his parents, but agreed “reluctantly” to let the administrator to speak with them, Bromley said. At the boy’s request, he was not present when his parents were told.
“The student chose himself to make his sexuality known in a variety of ways,” Bromley said. “And there had already started to be some negative feedback.”
“If there is the potential for a bullying or a harassment situation, it’s the responsibility of the school to step in and to make sure the student is safe,” she said.
School districts across the country are struggling with anti-gay bullying in light of highly publicized cases involving teen suicides. In October 2010, the suicide death of two teen boys prompted U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan to issue a call for action.
Their deaths followed at least three other suicides that year linked to “the trauma of being bullied and harassed for their actual or perceived sexual orientation was too much to bear,” Duncan said at the time.
“This is a moment where every one of us -- parents, teachers, students, elected officials, and all people of conscience -- needs to stand up and speak out against intolerance in all its forms,” he said.
Byard said it’s important for schools to deal with bullying and notify parents of any instances, without disclosing a student’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
"Taking away the choice for a LGBT student to come out on their own terms opens the door to significant risks, including harassment at school and family rejection," she said.
Andy Thayer, co-founder of the Gay Liberation Network, said family rejection is a real risk, and some young gay teens have found themselves homeless as a result.
The school "could very well have worsened that situation considerably," he said.
Bromley said the case at Alpine School District has drawn national attention, in part, because the student’s friends created a Facebook page, which has since turned into a an invitation-only group. The original page, which received more than 400 “likes,” asked students and supporters to write the assistant principal in defense of the student.
Bromley said some of the information on the original page was inaccurate, including the claim that the district suspended the boy. She said his parents chose to keep him home this week.
“We’ve received many phone calls and emails from many people based on inaccurate information,” she said. She said the boy was never in trouble and the goal of the district was to keep him safe.
“The last thing we want is for students to think there would be some sort of consequence for this,” she said.
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This boy was asked to do an advertisement about himself. He chose this subject, being gay. The "teacher" should have stopped it, council him, and then changed the idea.. This was just stupid on the teacher's part period. She/ he could have changed the rules, or the activity. Why in God's name with all the bullying going on in this day and age would a teacher ever allow this to go further. It is not the teacher or schools place to ever put this child in this compromising position. Do you know what this does to a child? It's the most important decision this child will ever make in their entire lifetime.. The most important. And it is up to this child when they are ready to tell their parents, not the schools nor should the school push it..
Agreed, the sad part is the only reason they even bothered is so they can pretend to not be liable when the poor kid is teased again. No doubt he went home to a house that probably didn't take to his 'outing' I just hope his parents didn't pull the 'How this humiliated me' act
Bernie - Did you not read the story thoroughly? The school (teacher/asst principal) DID counsel him and it was HIS choice to continue with the project. HIS choice....that HE made. They did not force him to "come out", the simply informed his parents in an effort to hopefully avoid any bullying that may be directed at him because of HIS choice to come out to his class mates. I would certainly hope that if one of my children made a decision that may have negative consiquences (possibly bringing about bullying, etc.) that the school would pull me in and inform me of it. In my opinion, this school did exactly the right thing in trying to provide this child with all the support/protection possible!
Bernie: The "teacher" should have stopped it, council him, and then changed the idea..
Changed his idea?! The teacher would be called a homophobe and attcked by The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, LGBT, ACLU and every other gay/lesbian and civil rights group out there...
If the school had done nothing, then the parents would have been furious the first time the kid came home with a black eye. Besides, if you actually READ the article, they DID ask the kid for permission, which he gave, albeit reluctantly. It's not like they did it behind his back. Outing someone generally means "without their permission", which is not what happened.
I agree with ShakingMyHead! Apparently, people are not bothering to read the entire article. EVERYTHING in this story was the boy's choice, INCLUDING the school talking to his parents. He gave his permission for the school to tell them he was gay. So I don't see what all the controversy is about! It sounds to me like everything was handled just the way it should have been, including counseling the boy to see if he was sure he wanted to announce it to the class.
Bernie-1587927: This boy was asked to do an advertisement about himself. He chose this subject, being gay.
The teacher should have advised him there might be some backlash, but if he was comfortable doing it, let him be. His project, about him, she had no right to tell him otherwise.
It's not the student's job to avoid controversy; it's the PARENTS' job to raise their children intelligently enough that a kid doing a deal on being gay isn't an issue.
Not to mention the fact that I'm fairly sure SOMEONE in the class would know his family, such as a friend or neighbor, and probably would have told the parents anyway. In posting it publicly, his parents would have found out anyway, and probably would have been hurt if he hadn't told them about it. It doesn't say anything in the article about how they received the news, so we can't judge them on that. I would much rather my kids tell me something directly, whether or not I agree with the decision, then let me find out second or third hand.
Byard's an idiot. You can't say the school should disclose instances and not tell the parents what the instance is. Imagine that conversation. School: "Mr/Mrs Parent, your child is being bullied." Parent: "Oh no. How is my kid being bullied. What's happening?" School: "I can't tell you, but kids are being really mean to your child." Parent: "How are they being mean?" School: "Well, uh, they are calling him names, but I can't tell you what names because your underage child in public school has not given me permission to tell you, the parent."
I'm for standing up for your rights, but pick the right battles LGBT.
The boy chose that way to out himself. The school talked him into letting his parents know. But HE did agree to it. It sounds like he wanted them to know with out having to face them himself. The school did the right thing. The parents NEED to know. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to talk to your own parents. And they are the ones who SHOULD know you best. Too many gay kids do not have the support they need to survive bullying. With the school's help, the parents can come to terms with this side of their child and be there for him.
I dont see what the issue is here. The boy outed himself publicly. Gave permission to the school to tell his parents. The school was acting to defend the boy from bullying, and doing the boy a service in talking to his parents in his stead. How about the absurdity of news outlets telling the world this boy is gay?
I think though you all aren't reading carefully. In what way was he comfortable in telling his parents? To me it sounds more like scared kid in office surrounded by adults who really couldn't care less about what he feels only that they aren't held responsible. It only showed the school's side and quite frankly I don't know anyone that's comfortable telling their principal anything let alone their sexual orientation. I think the essay was more an outlet for him and instead of reaching out they went straight to "What can we do to avoid being responsible for anything that happens here"
Bernie, why did you use the word "council" instead of the correct word "counsel"?
Why should have the teacher stopped him? It shouldn't be the huge deal it is. It should be HIS choice and HIS RIGHT to make his sexual orientation public or not. The teacher should not have mad einto such a huge deal, but allowed him to do it. Kids aren't stupid. He obviously knew there would be the risk of being bullied by coming out publicly.
I have a gay son who came out when he was 12. He was accepted for who he is by his family and friends. The kids at school were, however, a different story. Not all of them, of course - he had good friends who supported him. But every day he would hear "fag", "queer", etc. It got so bad he ended up quitting school. Turns out the school was not protecting him, deeming the bigotry to be a "discipline" problem. What a bunch of @!$%#s. Bottom line, my kid starts college in January, a full 1/2 year before his classmates. He works two jobs. I am so proud of him. He's the most courageous person I know.
.
Luke, if you proofread all these posts you must stay pretty busy. Does it help your self esteem when you catch these mistakes?
Luke-981277:
Why did you post nit-picky tripe instead of contributing intelligence?
Here's my concern: when the boy comes back, will he walk into a building which overwhelmingly supports all GLSB students in their pursuit of education and respects all as contributing members of society, or will he walk into a school which is divided in its support and reluctance to embrace the diversity? I firmly believe that there are places in this world which work exceptionally hard to raise the level of acceptance even amid the controversies and fears. I firmly believe this school is one of them. Where in the article does it draw a picture of a student body which will not help all students? Where in the article does it show an administration which stands idly by while students are bullied? I don't see anything there.
That's exactly what the schools in Michelle Bachmann's district would have done under their "Don't Say Gay" policy.
Amazingly, the schools in Utah seem less homophobic than those in Minnesota.
Truth Teller-2292256:
I'm glad for your son, but you apparently did nothing about the hassles he faced? Don't you think your child would've appreciated your support? The school did nothing to protect him from other students, but it seems you did nothing to protect him from the school. Quitting solves nothing, it just leaves the problem for the next kid.
"How about the absurdity of news outlets telling the world this boy is gay?"
Cygnus_X-1 the child's name and family name was not given.
This is a current topic in the news and helpful information for other children, parents, and teachers to learn from regarding "coming out." If this article saves even one poor child from killing themselves because they are gay, then that's fabulous!
A major issue that the article, the respondents and the previous posters seem to miss is that sexual orientation is not exactly fixed at that age. This moght NOT be his final orientation.
The psychological issue is that homosexuality/heterosexuality is not a yes/no proposition as most people believe. It is a continuum. Everyone is at least a little bit homosexual and everyone is at least a little bit heterosexual. There are NO psychologically absolutely heterosexual or homosexual people. Every is just somewhere on the continuum. (That just pertains to orientation, not to behavior.)
All through a person's life --- researchers say that up until about age 25 or 26 for men and perhaps 23 or 24 for women --- a person's sexual orientation is effected by genes, training, learning, hormones, peer pressure, and self-perception. Sexual orientation may meander all over the place for years with no real way of predicting where it will end up. "Outing" a man this young is not allowing for his sexual development in the coming dozen years.
I repeat --- I am talking about orientation, not behavior. A person most often decides on a particular absolute sexual behavior, but there are many, many people who never decide one way or another. But the choice of behavior is a personal choice that is generally controllable.
Hmmmm......so maybe we should encourage the so-called "straight" students to experiment a little.
While I'd agree with the rest of your comment about spectrum sexuality, most people I've known have a very good idea of their orientation pretty early on.
I think everyone is missing the point, it's hardly the kids fault that idiots can't handle the truth. Every suggestion to keep this quite is only re-enforcing the idea that being gay is shameful. Shame on you.
You wouldn't tell tell someone to pretend to be a different faith because some narrow minded idiots can't get over their shameful ways and they might get picked on. And if safety really is an issue, the schools got bigger problems then a gay kid. Like their staff is incompetent if they can't keep their kids safe.
Instead of the school re-enforcing idiotic views by making this a shameful experience, maybe they should be teaching their students equality. Every school knows who the problem kids and staff are, how about they start targeting bullies instead of shaming their targets into the closet.
Chris ... "Everyone is at least a little bit homosexual and everyone is at least a little bit heterosexual"
Speaking for yourself would be appropriate ... don't you think??
The problem with outing him to his parents is that sometimes parents can be the worst bullies of all when they find out their child is gay.
I really do understand your point, Chris, but if the boy is gay he is gay. Yes, he might be bisexual, but I doubt he is going to be straight if he is confident enough to want to be out. Anyway, if he chooses to come out then I seriously doubt that he needed to wait until he was 25 or 26 to be sure. I think the survey is interesting and may have merit or not, but that doesn't mean it reflects most people's paths.
Umm...kind of sounds as if you are arguing that people are sometimes gay, sometimes straight, and sometimes just sort of all over the place, so they need to not say anything if they are gay since they might not really be gay? While I agree that sexual orientation isn't absolute over a whole lifetime, there are many people who are indeed who they start out as for their whole lives. And no, I don't think you are gay at ten and straight at twenty. It isn't a choice to be gay or straight or bi but how you are born, so if you are trying to make the argument that if you just act straight you will eventually you may become that way it isn't true.
You sound suspiciously as if you are trying to justify not accepting that a person can know his/her orientation from a young age, and really most people aren't just meandering around figuring out what they are. Sure, sometimes people experiment with something different, but it doesn't mean their orientation is changing. I can see why a woman would be attracted to another woman, but I'm not and never have been. I would be fine with it if I were lesbian or bi, but I'm just not and never have been, and I just don't think you will find many people who can say they were really gay for awhile, really straight for awhile, and then they meandered back to being gay. They might choose to marry the opposite sex even, but it wouldn't make them straight if they prefer the same sex. Nice try, though.
oh, this happened in Utah, that explains it. I forget it isn't ok to use the right of "Freedom of Expression", its only ok if he said he wanted to have many wives, many kids and wasn't muslim.
Chris
At 14 sexual orientation is usually "fixed", as you say, to be what it is.
You really can't "fix" someone who is what they are born to be.
Some people may indeed be bi-sexual in those cases they might adjust depending on circumstances.
Some people are flat out born totally gay.
Why should the teacher "stop it". The problem is with the people who would harass him for being homosexual, not him.
RwEvans, that is exactly what is wrong. You are speaking about something you know nothing about. The boy gave his permission to be "outted" to his parents. He did the poster about being gay, so he actually "outted" himself on purpose. The fact that the school was concerned that he would be bullied has nothing to do with protecting themselves. There are plenty of schools out there, I know of several myself, that don't care about bullying. Parents have no recourse, because the teachers and principals label them as hysterical parents. School boards take the side of the teachers and principals and don't do a thing to help these children or parents. That goes for all kinds of bullying. I think it is a refreshing change that a school would care about what happens to its students.
Your prejudicial statements are not appreciated, especially since we are discussing bullying by people who are afraid of anything that is different. Sounds like you, doesn't it!!
Seems to me the school took unnecessary action because of "potential" bullying not actual bullying. Bullying is never the fault of the bullied. If any bullying took place they should have immediately dealt with the bully or bullies. The kid may have felt no choice but allow them to tell his parents. What kind of parents did not "know" their kid is gay? Sounds like the kid was starting to come out. I would think parents are the first to know and the last to be told.
I don't see the controversy here. The school asked the kid if it was okay they discuss his orientation when they spoke to his parents, and he agreed.
There is one good side to being bi-sexual. It automatically doubles your chances of getting a date.
With all the things we need to be worrying about, like lying politicians, huge, huge national debt, no jobs, failing economy, why do people want to worry about how someone expresses their love, and to whom? Or how they choose to have fun. I love my friend with benefits, and we have fun together. Are we same sex, different? Same species? Burt reynolds said it very well.
" If you love a goat, and the goat loves you and you both are happy, then i am happy for you. Just don't expect me to go to dinner with you."
I am concerned that the parents may ship him off to a brain wash camp ran by family rights types and brain wash him into thinking he is not gay.
Utah is a Fundamentalist state ran by the church. It worries me that this 14 year old now has to face the entire state while he tries to get an education.
Hopefully the parents will pay more attention to their child, it is obvious he is calling out for attention. I would hope the young man does not get caught up in a homosexual lifestyle. This may be difficult for some folks to understand but society as a whole does not advocate same-sex relations. Bullying against adolscant gays is a reality brought on by a teenage populations fear, disgust and prejudices towards sexually deviant behavior. So whether the 14 yr.old is irrevicabley gay or not, his parents should should look into family counseling since the families method of communication does not seem to be effective.
For the life of me, I can NOT understand why people care about someone else's sexual choices. What is that about???
Weird. Definitely weird. Don't people have enough issues to deal with in their own lives?
IMO, most of the problems in this world are caused by people trying to force other people to think and act as they dictate. If all the Hitlers in this world dropped dead tomorrow, what a lovely place it would be -- after we got rid of all the stinking corpses.
The only bullying I could find in the story came from school officials.
Actually it's just a few individual stupid bigots who themselves will be sent to hellfire and damnation for their bigotry that don't.
Mickey: The problem with outing him to his parents is that sometimes parents can be the worst bullies of all when they find out their child is gay.
Important point. Research indicates that the most common "factor" amongst homosexuals is early childhood rejection, usually parental. A parent like that could well be unsupportive.
Years ago when adoption was more common, it was not unusual to find out that someone you knew to be homosexual was adopted, or vice versa
So, with the boy "outed," at the end of this first thread, we have 39 people trying to make up this kid's mind for him, regarding in or out. Wow, talk about bullying.
A person's sexuality is his/her own business. Being in/out is his/her own business. Unless someone is performing a consensual sexual act in front of my eyes, it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS in what he/she cleaves to. It's too bad others can't accept that. It doesn't matter if someone is straight or gay. It just PLAIN DOESN'T MATTER! Who cares? (Except control-freaks and bullies.) We are humans, and we live, and we eat, and we walk the same paths. What we do at home, how we believe, where we come from, and on and on, is just part of living. GET OVER IT.
Now that this kid is the center of attention, he will no doubt be bullied beyond comprehension. I have no idea how his parents will act. His friends will be tested (and perhaps bullied, too.)
I think the real issue is bullying, not sexual orientation. The school should address bullying on all levels. Gay or straight should not be the point of the discussion. Bullying and the pain and humiliation that goes with it is a scourge and blemish on all of us. That should be the point of this article.
Fred53,
"Research indicates that the most common "factor" amongst homosexuals is early childhood rejection, usually parental. A parent like that could well be unsupportive."
Exactly! That's what I meant. Some parents have been known to disown their own children and throw them out of the house when they learn that they are gay or, even worse, force them into some sort of bizarre "therapy" to try to change their sexual orientation. Most parents are straight and have as much difficulty as anyone else who is straight understanding what it means to be gay. They think there is something wrong with the child; that he or she has simply chosen an immoral lifestyle or is mentally disturbed. It all depends on the individual parents. Some are more understanding and willing to accept the fact that their child is gay, but many are not. That's no doubt why this boy, according to the article, was reluctant to tell his parents, but the school did it for him. Whether they did him a favor or not depends on what kind of parents he has. If he has loving parents who will accept that fact, then he is better off that they know he is gay; if not, it would be better for him if they had not found out.
First off, there is no controversy here. The boy gave permission to speak to the parents. Why wouldn't they?
Second point is that parents and schools should be in a PARTNERSHIP to best help our kids. This isn't kids vs parents. If my kids school knows ANYTHING about my kids, I would expect them to share it with me whether it be he/she is sexually active, taking drugs, smoking cigarettes or announcing to the entire school that they are gay. This entire "kids have privacy rights" thing is complete BS. As parents, I would hope that your relationship is good enough that these discussions come up at home, but if not the school should do everything possible to inform parents of what is happening with their kids. Also I am NOT saying that if they don't, the parents can sue or any BS like that, but a partnership is exactly that...both ways of information being shared.
When the teacher approached him about whether he wanted to share that information publicly, the boy said he did. The teacher decided to involve the assistant school principal, who spoke with the boy and counseled him on talking with his parents.
The student was hesitant to approach his parents, but agreed "reluctantly" to let the administrator to speak with them, Bromley said. At the boy's request, he was not present when his parents were told.
"The student chose himself to make his sexuality known in a variety of ways," Bromley said. "And there had already started to be some negative feedback."
This pretty much sums it up. The child made it public. Public means he wants everyone to know. If you don't want yout parents to find out, don't make it public. His parents would have found out eventually when one of his freinds went home and told their parents and their parents calle dhis parents and said "I think you nee dot know there's a problem with your son" As a parent I would want to know as soon as possible once my son came out. I would want to reassure him that I loved him, and that I stood behind him and that we would get through any awkwardness during his teen years together. Much better that then only finding out after he kills himself because no one wanted to intervene.
From reading the story, it seems no one was actually ever bullied! The boy chose to make his orientation public. In fact, by showing that the school supports him, rather than asking him to change the advertisement, it would actually help stop bullying from occurring.
People only bully when they feel they'll get support from others around who also "hate."
A few years ago, I had a freshman college student who decided to let everyone know she was a lesbian. Her parents basically cut off all contact with her.
A year later, she was excited to be pregnant and living with her boyfriend. I have no idea if she is bi-sexual or decided after some period of "experimentation" that she wasn't really gay, after all. I do know that she and her parents both went through a really rough time. It's very easy to judge people whose values, morals and perspectives are different than our own.
One of the hardest things we deal with as parents is when our children make choices with which we disagree on a very basic level. It is especially hard when we fear those choices will ultimately bring greater pain to the child. Letting love prevail, even when we can't fully support the decision, is ultimately our best response.
I don't think so. It's pack behavior. Kids are animals. Your toddler will even gnaw on the leg of your coffee table, given half a chance. They have to be trained into becoming civilized and socialized.
During adolescence they are testing their place in the pack. Bullying is part of it and will never be legislated away. If it's not about sexual orientation, they'll find another excuse. Rather than trying to police the process, teaching both assertiveness and leadership skills would be more useful.
I doubt if this student would have been "outed" in a progressive big city/state like San Francisco or New York, but Utah, of course!
When I first read the headline, I was stunned that a school district would do this; however, after reading the details, c'mon they talked with the boy and got his concurrence before they spoke to the parents. Ok, it is borderline whether they coaxed him but they did ask permission. There are a few people that have taken the position that the teacher should have "changed the subject"...WRONG, if he was ready to go public, they should simply be supportive.
He wanted to "out" himself.
He made up an advertisement about himself that announced (outed) his homosexuality. I actually think San Francisco would have supported his decision at an even younger age.
I grew up in San Francisco. Amongst the locally-born people in the west and south neighborhoods, being gay is no more acceptable than in any other big city. In some ways, even less so. I kept the whole gay thing deeply under wraps till I was out of school and my parents' house. I applaud this kid's courage, but I don't really see the point in exposing oneself to that kind of abuse.
My personal perspective is different then what most of readers and commenters (please note how I separate the two) have said and suggested.
First off, I am an immigrant to this country and moved here at the age of 13 - bummer- talk about having issues as a teenager. I had already realized that I wasn't a fan of religion in any shape form or package, and I know since I was little that I was different, I was gay. I was never given the opportunity in school to out myself. There was never a time when it would have been possible to tell others hey guys i really don't fit in with you guys but think we could hang out anyhow? For me I simply chose to hang out with friends and only share half my self. Its and easy but depressing protective solution. This said, I fully support the decision of school, lets face it many of us simply want the entire being out thing over with... frankly I think the longer we wait the more difficult it becomes. In my case my parents weren't upset that I was gay, they were upset that it took me over twenty years to tell them. After I finally did they more or less stated that they had always known but didn't want to push me ... friends gave similar responses there never really was any doubt its just that many people seem to think that gay kids and teens require soft gloves and special handeling instructions. I don't think we do. Most of us know early on that we are different, we generally mention something to that extent when coming out to our parents and friends. What we look for is an opportunity to say ... thats who I am thats what I am ... Now accept me and love me. The problem with coming out is that the longer we wait the bigger we make the moment, the parents of the young kid may not appreciate the school outing him after receiving consent, but at least the coming out part is over. There is no more mystery, no more deception, you are now out, you are what you are. Those of us i believe that make this choice early have the ability to show our true self and given the anti bullying initiatives I believe being out is becoming easier as well. For myself the process was not quite so easy, i flunked over a year of college in the process of coming out to myself there were debates back and forth reading of literature articles and papers, hateful responses and coming to terms with bigots. That stuff hurts! But lets face it the kid in this article may have known kids are mean but he never had to worry about the full implications of the label he would take on by being out. This is something that keeps many of us from ever coming out after reaching a certain age of maturity, and if we choose to come out, the process makes much bigger waves in our lives. Overall I believe the school did the right thin, and all schools should provide a venue that can allow students to openly state what they are and allow them to overcome their inner insecurities. The longer we take to come out, the more we stand to loose, and the more we will be forced to relearn, rebuild, and rediscover. Being out early may not be easy but it can save us from depression, uncertainty, and inner insecurities.
Most of you are missing the point here. Kids are bullied for myriads of reasons. Their weight, their looks, speech impediment, mental slowness, etc. This story is here for one reason. It is the gay-lesbian attempt to hijack this issue as if they were the only ones who are being bullied. Not so. I would like to see a breakdown on why kids are bullied and see just how many gay kids are bullied as compared to those bullied for other reasons. No child should be bullied, but no one group should attempt to make it seem as if they are being bullied more than others. It isn't so. If we focus on one particular group than the obese child who is being bullied will get less attention/help than the one whose advocates scream the loudest. Think I'm wrong? Watch the news stories. Almost all the traumatic stories on bullying are about gay kids. We will never solve this problem as long as we let one group dominate the discussion.
Most of you are missing the point here. Kids are bullied for myriads of reasons. Their weight, their looks, speech impediment, mental slowness, etc. This story is here for one reason. It is the gay-lesbian attempt to hijack this issue as if they were the only ones who are being bullied. Not so. I would like to see a breakdown on why kids are bullied and see just how many gay kids are bullied as compared to those bullied for other reasons. No child should be bullied, but no one group should attempt to make it seem as if they are being bullied more than others. It isn't so. If we focus on one particular group than the obese child who is being bullied will get less attention/help than the one whose advocates scream the loudest. Think I'm wrong? Watch the news stories. Almost all the traumatic stories on bullying are about gay kids. We will never solve this problem as long as we let one group dominate the discussion.
Of course this wouldn't happen in San Francisco. It's the gay mecca of the world..
http://www.livescience.com/6048-gay-lesbian-teens-bullied-heterosexuals.html
Wrong....
The kid was willing to come out, but was scared to tell his parents. That's messed.
Apparently you haven't spent any appreciable time in Utah. Remember, Utah is home to the Mormon Church. The Mormon Church helped to push Prop 8 into law in California. As religions go as a whole, LDS probably out rank Catholisism and Sothern Baptists 2-1 on anti-gay speech and thinking. I have met their church leadership who believed that anyone who aquired HIV was probably homosexual, and deserved to have the disease.
Whether I'm familiar w/ Utah/Mormonicity is irrelevant. The kid was more comfortable outing himself in front of a school full of Mormons than having his parents know. That's not a religious thing, that's a fscked-up family thing.
But that's the reality for most gay kids who have homophobic parents.
That may be a problem with a child having to reveal any important aspect of their inner self to their parents. A child that loves and respects his parents would have a natural tendency to be concerned about telling their parent about anything sexual.
Usually the kids make those types of artwork to put on the wall for parent's night. His parents would probably know then anyway. Better that they know privately before seeing it on the wall in front of 30 other sets of parents. He was willing to out himself to the public, so he obviously didn't worry about his parents finding out.
One parent's night my stepdaughter , 10, wrote about an experience of hers, and said on her painting, "I felt so bad when my parents went to prison." So the teacher took it down and gave it to us privately. "Neither one of us had ever been in prison or arrested or even had a ticket. So we thought it was funny at the time. Kids don't seem to know how things are perceived by others sometimes. lol
Willow. I loved that story.
All this Mormon-bashing is very unfair. I actually know quite a few Mormons, having grown up in the West, and they are not hateful at all. If you actually read the story, the boy "outed" himself, and the school sensibly thought his parents should hear it from a responsible source, sooner rather than later. Family is everthing to Mormons. Being "pro-family" is not code for hating gays for them, it is how they actually live their lives. I am much more comfortable being open with Mormons than most other Christians.
Maybe they should tell their church to stop funding anti-gay hate groups like NOM, and anti-gay laws like Prop h8.
If you're Mormon and you tithe, part of your money is used to keep gays as 2nd-class citizens.
Not coming out to family is pretty common. My brother came out as gay about to his friends at school about a year before he came out to the family. I think it is understandable. You don't live with your schoolmates and aren't dependent on them like your family. I think that is why most people don't out until college when they have achieved more independence.
I think I can understand the school's concern BUT this is not something they should have taken upon themselves to tell the parents. That is something the boy should control IF and WHEN he is ready to come out to his family.
Hey there, turbo. Go back and read the article. The school told the parents with the boy's consent. You ever had to tell someone you love and respect something that you're afraid will disappoint them? Did you dread the look on their face as you were to tell them that? Did you jump at the opportunity to have someone ELSE set expectations, tell them, give them guidance on how to respond, etc.?
No, probably not. You must be perfect and never been in that situation.
This was handled very well. The only reason this is being blown out of proportion is because of a fraudulent Facebook page that was created in this boy's name that had lots of incorrect information. Read the article on www.ksl.com. Well, never mind. Don't. You obviously didn't read this one completely, so you wouldn't gain anything from it.
Clearly some people just read the headline and skip to comment.
He was ready to go public and they asked him if they should talk to the parents. Sounds ok to me.
The real issue is that the kid is a child. I think it did qualify for a discussion, however, he was truly too young to fully understand the possibilities of his decision. All of the adults had to walk a tightrope, you want to protect the kid without discriminating against him.
The Facebook page is an example of how an overreaction can create a situation that did not otherwise exist. Some of these kids must be taught that sometimes no reaction is better.
Is it just me or is the mess and confusion of hormones in the typical middle-school aged kid too much for an accurate ascertainment of one's own sexuality? I'd sure hate to see this kid grow up a little bit then realize that oops...he actually like girls and wants to live his life THAT way instead. I'm not saying whether he'll end up gay or straight or somewhere in between, but to be able to say definitively at 14 that you are or aren't seems a bit premature.
Jason MO
Everyone I know that is "gay" have told me they knew when they were very young as in 8 or 9 yrs old.
That's a good point. I think we have a bigger problem though with students thinking they are straight when the're only teenagers. Perhaps we should counsel them and tell them that they should wait a few years before deciding they are straight? All those hormones and stuff could definitely confuse someone into thinking they are straight.
I'd sure hate to see a teenage boy grow up straight and later realize he really liked guys, wouldn't you?
Sheesh.
The evidence is mounting that sexual orientation (at least for boys) is largely determined by birth. (Girls are, as usual, way more complicated.) And while the teenage years are often defined by a lot of sexual exploration, including confusing lust with other emotional relationships, and some of which they grow out of, most people by the time they're 14 know pretty much what orientation they are.
Great response Jonathan! And honestly, does a decision made control the rest of a person's life? Say, that on the off chance that this boy is just confused and later realizes he likes girls. So he starts going out with girls. What's the problem? My niece got married to a man at age 21. A few years later, realized he was not the guy for her and got divorced. A few years later she thought that she was lesbian and had several relationships with women. Now, at age 44, she is married to a man. This is not how most gay people are - they realize it at a young age and there is no changing it, just as it is for most straight people. It is the way they were born. Some people are bisexual or maybe really are confused. So what? A decision to come out at age 15 or age 30 does not control the way that person must live the rest of their life.
Whether one is gay or straight is not something one just "decides" -- it is the way one is born; the decision is whether to admit it to one's self, as well as to others.
My wife & I suspected one of daughters was gay when she was 6. She knew she was when she was 9.
Almost all people know whether they are gay or not by puberty for the reasons colorfully described by Happy. lol I understand that some are trying to SOUND less like a bigot by using the sexual spectrum argument.. but it is quite simply not usually the case. People who CHOOSE to be gay are not really gay and people who choose heterosexuality are not really straight.
This is a lose-lose situation for the school. If it didn't 'out' him and something happened they'd get blamed and now they are getting blamed for 'outing' him. Lose-lose for the kid too probably.
I think you are right soazDan... no matter what the school district did they would be in the wrong. At least now the all the parties involved know what is going on and can handle the situation and anything (if anything) arises from it in a fitting manner. Obviously the parents are concerned if they are keeping their child home this week. Now a days there is no right answer to any of this you are damed if you do and damned if you don't in these situations. So it is better to just act and do what you think is in the best interest of the child and apologize later in my opinion.
Absolutely. It seems to almost always be lose-lose when it comes to kids, parents and schools. Which is why public schools need to refrain from discussing personal issues during school hours (sexuality, religion, etc).
Dealing with students, parents, other teachers, school districts, low pay and the threat of lawsuits makes me wonder why anyone would want to be a teacher these days? I admire them and appreciate what they do but it really seems that the deck is stacked against them.
You obviously do not work in a public school. Personal issues nearly always impact students during school hours, so they cannot be avoided. Moreover, as one who works in a NJ public school -- where very strict anti-bullying laws have recently been passed -- we are now legally bound to report ANY bullying, whether on school property or not, that we either witness or hear about.
Soaz Dan, I find the comment a bit offensive. It is stance such as yours why coming out is such a "huge deal".
Consider this straight kids don't have to "come out" they can simply be in the majority and not worry about such things... they may choose to bring over their first boy/girl friend some time and parents may not approve but thats the most they have to worry about. For us (self included) gay individuals, we have to "come out" and everyone makes such a huge deal of it. WHY!?!? The fact that people make such a big deal out of ones orientation makes it more and more difficult to do so as one gets older, in particular for gay men. The second I "came out" I realize I had painted a target on my back, I was stigmatized by most all who didn't know the "none out - gay me" well. I find this to be a huge problem. I believe the school made a great decision and one the student will appreciate in the long run. If kids want to out themselves early - they should! They longer they wait the heavier the stigma they associate with it!
It would be interesting to know who leaked this story to the press. This should be an issue handled discretely by the parents, the child and the school. I sense an ulterior motive here.
It was posted on a Facebook page. A public page. Probably by a friend or another gay at school. The only motive I see here is the effort to embarrass the heck out of the school, when they were only trying to protect the kid.
It was actually a fake Facebook page with this boy's name and other info that someone opened. It posted false info, such as the school doing the 'outing' without the boy's consent, etc. The parents are trying to get the page removed (www.ksl.com).
"A school district in Utah." Well, it isn't just the district, but also the teacher who should not have asked the children to do this kind of project. There are lots of things kids shouldn't share with others: hobbies, etc.
Are you serious? Children should not be asked to share hobbies with others? Why? There was absolutely nothing wrong with the project. Kids need to learn how to promote themselves. Adults need to know how to promote themselves. That is how they realize their strong points, and get jobs, promotions. If you don't know how to sell yourself, you will be a failure in life.
The kid outed himself. All the school did was try to protect him.
Where do the parents rights start. If my kid was announcing to the entire school that he was gay, I would want to be notified. Especially if his personal safety was concerned.
Beside that since when is anything that is in the public domain, (ie. happens at school, is overheard at school, etc...) considered private?
It appears in this story as if his parents are supportive, but I know so, so many kids whose parents are so anti-gay that they will go so far as to kick their own teenagers out of their house. And when I say know, I mean that I have friends who had that happen to them. Most of them haven't seen their parents since. Many of them were homeless for a period of time. Some of them never got back on their feet.
It's hard to believe that parents would do such a thing to their kid, but unfortunately there are those who are just as hateful and bigoted as people who aren't parents of gay kids.
While I loathe the idea of outing someone, it seems to me that it's possible that the kid agreed to let the school inform his parents as a way to avoid having to come out to them himself...note that he wanted to avoid being there when his parents were told. Sure, he still had to face the music as it were after the fact, but at least the initial shock to the parents took place in front of other adults who might be able to add some perspective. It's complicated. Hopefully the parents will love him no less and be there with support.
What's the problem here?
"Compromising his safety" from who, his own parents? And the best part? Let's get he frigging media involved so the whole would knows JR is a little ... well you know. If the kid is really that gay his parents would have to either be pretty thick or uninvolved not to already know or at least suspect. This is yet another example of taking what should have been a small thing and blowing it up into a great big thing to get attention. I truly do believe that, as a species, we get just a little dimmer everyday. The brightest one of the whole bunch involved is probably the kid, too bad he's surrounded by idiots.
Once again...parents the last to know. Oh I forgot...many parents expect the school system to play surrogate.
"Do you know where (what) your kid is....?"
Parents who had a good relationship with their kid would likely know he was gay, or at least he wouldn't be afraid to come out to them.
As a gay man, of course I'm for GLBT rights & privacy. The headline is somewhat misleading. It seems to indicate that the school did so without the boy's permission. That doesn't seem to be the case. For sure, at that age, you may be likely confused about who you are, and kids don't always make the correct decision. The school told his parents which was the right thing to do. Did they pressure him into telling his parents....? It's not clear, though the article does seem to point to that. That's what people should be concerned with: the the school pressure him into allowing them to tell his parents? If they did, that's wrong. But if they didn't, I don't see anything wrong with what they did.
The school did nothing wrong at all.
This is a normal social activity that we all do as we grow up and continue to do in life. The teacher used common sense when the student decided to post information that may endanger him and counseled him on it. Finding out that the parents didn't know placed the school in a no win situation.
They have the responsibility to protect the student and if the parents are ignorant of his orientation the parents become an issue.
The school did all the right things as they have an obligation both moral and legal to have due concern in this situation.
I am so tired of minority PC groups whining about everything. Get a life.
My reading comprehension must be slipping. I thought this was an article about a school thoughtlessy telling parents their son is gay but instead it's a teacher and principal discussing the potential hazards with the young man and getting permission to tell his parents. What am I missing?
Young man, you're okay just as you are.
It is so obvious that this was a deliberate act on the part of school officials and of course this school is in Utah a bastion of right wing extremism. These school officials with their bigoted religious views should all be fired. They can try to hide behind the ‘bullying concerns’ excuse but any fair minded person can see though that lie. Discrimination against anyone in America just because they were born Gay should NEVER be tolerated. These types of stories should anger all of us.
It doesn't anger me. The fact that they told his parents with his consent may save his life. When he is dealing with difficult decisions his parents will be aware that he has some special circumstances to consider.
Big Al: It is so obvious that this was a deliberate act on the part of school officials and of course this school is in Utah a bastion of right wing extremism. These school officials with their bigoted religious views should all be fired.
At least it's obvious to you because that's how you probably see everything that doesn't fit your agenda. A teacher worried about a student becomes a bastion of right wing extremism in a flash in your eyes...
Unless the counselor knew the boy's parents very well, he or she may have put the child in danger by outing him to his parents. Bullying doesn't just happen at school. Some parents don't respond well to such news, and the boy may have wished to put off telling his parents until he was old enough to live on his own. The article says the boy's consent (to tell the parents) was given reluctantly. I don't know much about the gay orientation or when one is sure that it is theirs, but telling parents is up to the person, not anyone else. I think the student should hold the school districe accountable, perhaps with a lawsuit.
LGBT my A$$, that is just stupid. They don't need an acronym, they need counseling and psychological help. I don't care how well it is accepted by the rest of the world there is an underlying psychological disturbance that is not addressed by acceptance.
Keith-1952: you don't even know, nor do you have a clue how ignorant YOU are. How about this line of thought: being heterosexual is an underlying psychological disturbance that is not addressed by acceptance. THAT'S how stupid your line of thinking is. Being gay is no more a choice, or...as you so blindly put it...an "underlying disturbance that is not addressed by acceptance" than you being heterosexual. But, I realize that nothing ANYONE says, including all the medical and psychological experts, will change the mind of someone who is willingly blind, deaf and DUMB.
Keith, you're exactly why schools need to worry about bullies and violence to gay kids.
Keith-1952 Wow, so much for minding your own business and live and let live. No one invited you to anyone's bedroom and I doubt you even know a thing about psychology. How does it affect you what OTHERS choose to do in their OWN PERSONAL lives anyway??
What a bunch of whiners that have been raised in the last generation..These kids could never have made it in the days I grew up...They all need to pull up their big boy pants and grow a spine..What a bunch of spineless whiners
Taz - I think it is more like they "need to get their panties out of their axs!" But you are right, they are whiners.
No! Let's call them, " Young Childrens " who will grow-up and go to " War and die " for this Nation!
He posted it on the classroom wall. What, people have to wait for him to get caught in the middle of mainstreet doing the D o w n w a r d d o g?
Journalism at it's finest.... lol.... What a pitiful story...
The sad part here is that there is probably no right or wrong answer . . . or more to the point, it's not our role to judge any of the parties here. The teacher inadvertently placed him/herself in an awkward and unintended position with the assignment, which is not otherwise troubling. The school struggled with a damned if you do/damned if you don't decision. How exactly would the teacher or school back-pedal from this problem without creating further questions or actually inciting a riot? The only error here is their concluding who he needed to speak to, or that they ought to do this on his behalf. Schools rarely have adequately trained psychologists in house at every school, but this predicament might have demanded a special effort to find someone with professional experience to intervene. Alas, they took this path and now we apply our own prejudices. Sad.
Everyone has a right to be who they are without being bullied or harrased. BUT what does this have to do with school?
I absolutely agree. A majority of a kids day is spent in school though, and no matter how many 'I feel good, you feel good' assemblies they have out there, people are either accepting or not.
The school assignment was to make an advertisement about yourself. An advertisement about any middle school student's sexual orientation is inappropriate regardless of said orientation. The teacher should have told the student the subject matter that he wanted to focus on was inappropriate and to come up with something else. It would be every bit as inappropriate if it had been a boy making an advertisement that he is straight. That kind of stuff doesn't belong in the classroom of a middle school.
I'm glad days like that is over!
And did the school call the parents of the bullies to inform them their kids were straight?
Exactly, or did they even inform the parents their kids were harrassing another student for being gay?....I often wonder about bullies, they have been around and always will I guess but it bothers me that they think it's ok to harrass anyone for being outside the norm or what they consider "norm" I was harrassed for being a freckled chubby strawberry blond but hey I lost weight my freckles faded and now guys love my hair but it's like really? Why did they have to make my middle school life so miserable