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Subscribe to RSSAhead of their 25-year high school reunion, former classmates come together to make amends with a woman who was taunted for being poor. KNSD-TV's Tony Shin reports.
A woman says a Facebook poem she posted about bullying has brought pleas for forgiveness from former classmates who tormented her at a California high school 25 years ago.
Now, some of those classmates want to make amends and have asked Lynda Frederick, 42, of Rochester, N.Y., to attend her 25th high school reunion in Escondido, Calif., on July 27, compliments of the Orange Glen High School Class of 1987.
“I am nervous,” Frederick told msnbc.com on Friday. “I am looking forward to seeing them, even knowing that what has happened has happened. I have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past.”
See NBCSanDiego.com's report on Frederick and the Class of 1987
Frederick said she received phone calls, emails and Facebook messages from former classmates after she posted a poem on the Orange Glen High School Class of 1987 Facebook page.
In her poem, she wrote:
that little girl who came to school with the clothes she wore the day before
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who had to walk to school while others rode the bus
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who had bruises and was dirty
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who was always crying
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
“They’re all apologizing now for how I was treated,” Frederick said. “I had one man call me up and we talked for an hour on the phone. He cried and cried. I kept saying, ‘You can’t fix yesterday, so let’s fix today.’”
Frederick said she posted the poem on the Facebook page as a way to send a message to her peers about how bullying affects victims.
“It never leaves you,” Frederick said. “I wanted people to know that for the one who is doing the bullying, it could just be a phase, but for the person who is being bullied, it stays with you all your life.”
Lynda Frederick, second from right, says she was bullied 25 years ago in high school. She's pictured with her sons and daughter.
'I cried'
Lisa Wallace was among the Facebook users to read it.
"This poem touched me so bad I could not sleep. I cried," Wallace told NBCSanDiego.com.
Kristi Malone remembered Frederick and how brutal kids had been to the bespectacled brunette.
"Looking at her being bullied horribly and thinking, ‘I feel so bad for her,’" Malone told NBCSanDiego.com. "But never thinking in my head that I could stand up for her, and not once did anyone back her up."
Other classmates have read the poem and many have said they feel overwhelmed by guilt.
"Just people in tears, like 'How could we have done this to her,' Malone said. They "were just crying, saying 'Why did I do that?'"
After graduation, Frederick said, she packed up her belongings and headed to New York state to begin anew.
"I needed to get out, to get away,” Frederick told msnbc.com.
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Today, Frederick has three children, 22-year-old Eric, 20-year-old Bryson and 14-year-old Amanda, who is currently dealing with bullying issues at school, she said.
"She’s overweight and doesn’t wear the trendiest clothes and it’s been very difficult,” Frederick said. “I tell her to look at the people and say, ‘If you don't like what I'm wearing, if you don't like the way I look, then don't look.’"
She said she hopes her daughter’s classmates will change their behavior.
Organizers for the Orange Glen High School Class of 1987 reunion have collected more than $800 to Frederick an airline ticket to California for the event.
She has accepted and plans to stay for a week. She said she is looking forward to seeing everyone, no matter what happened in the past.
"She really is my hero because she succeeded through all of this," Wallace said. "I look up to her."
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Bullies well how about presidents, obama,bush both clintons they had to run over to people to get status! Guess what we have many adults who are bullies! Oh I forgot FDR,Johnson, Nixon etc.
I was bullied every day from my when I first set foot in my elementary school in fourth grade; not only was I the new kid in school (having moved in the middle of the school year), I was the new fat kid, AND the new fat kid with the same last name as the principal, who did nothing to mitigate the bullying.
I had a few friends, but I also took my share of abuse from the guys. But except for three or four, the girls were unmerciful in their taunting and teasing.
Otherwise, I was made fun of by all the "popular" girls who were of course compensating for the inadequacies they all had beneath their lip-hugger jeans and tight sweaters, or certainly for what they lacked above them.
Thirty-nine years later, every one of them save a couple, has been married to one or more abusive husbands, and have their own broken families with kids they're ashamed of because they're too much like themselves, or they're fat boozehounds or oxy addicts. On the other hand, I've been married to the same woman for 32 years and we have two sons, both of whom we're proud of; and I'm pretty happy being where I am. We both are.
I met one of those girls I knew in school in a supermarket a bunch of years ago; I was there with my wife, and I said hello to her. She looked like she was really down, but acted like she was glad to see me and said "hi" back. Then she looked around nervously and said, "I have to get moving. If my husband sees me talking to you, he'll beat the [expletive] out of me."
I'm not too sure how they all got to where they are, but I guarantee you it wasn't by being sensitive to anyone else's feelings. Payback's a bitch, ain't it, girls?
Pretty much proves that women are horrible at picking a mate. They go for the cute, funny, cocky guy, get married and then find out, "hey, this guy is an a$$hole", as he abuses her. I see in tall the time. Pretty sad, but that seems the way it is, and it will probably always be that way.
There should be zero tolerance for bullying in every school in the United States.
also, you know what's really therapeutic? Burning your high school yearbooks. I highly recommend it.
Yes I watched mine get eaten by the garbage truck I said goodbye to my school age problems that day...(I do read the local police reports for their names)
The yearbook is overrated - kind of like buying someoneelse's family album.
Dont go to the reunion ..People dont change , and christ on facebook a big crying fest.Oh no ,I left facebook and deleted my acct today because it is a forum of like still being in high school but for adults... Leopards dont change thier spots.. Dont go lynda remember why you packed and and left to make a fresh start .. Be a role model for the children and young adults out there who are being bullied.. The people who hurt you are 25 years too late to be forgiving ... you dont need them once a bully always a bully....
You know, Hunter, you are right. The best thing for Lynda to do would be to accept their apology, but decline the invite to the reunion. Those people probably aren't much better than they were 25 years ago. They would probably just say hello to her, chat for a minute maybe, then ignore her the rest of the evening as they go and associate with their little group of snobs they went to school with. Its better not to go.
Absolutely Alan ~~couldnt said it better ...I never go to my reunions any of them... I was in town the night of my tenth reunion and said to my friend why stay .I left and got on the airplane and came home to peace and people who loved me .. Not people who were just 4 year friends in my life and only a handful I ever spoke to..
I have moved on .Lynda needs to forget them and get some therapy or better yet. Now , that her bulliers know they cause her such pain finally they need to schedule a psychiatrist appt asap..... karma is a bitch . I think people forget that!!! take care ...
Kevin I worked, and I lived with a military father who held inspection every morning, and meted out physical pain as a way of behavior modification. Sorry about your life experiences and I'm even sorrier that you could not get past this experience. I got a wedgie every day from Jimmy Dufford (high school).....until I got big enough to kick is butt. But when I saw him at my Brothers funeral(3 weeks ago) and we laughed about it with our arms around each other. Were you perhaps an only child? Because my Brothers and I beat the hell out of each other all young lives.... there is no whiny, you beat me up and made me feel like less chatter.
From reading all the posts I never realized that I anyone else was bullied I always felt like it was only me...I never went back to any class reunions why? I could care less about any of them.I lived thru it and have been sucessful.I have read in the paper some things about some of them and now I even feel more better.It is something you never get over but I know can take care of myself and hold my head up high,I don't let anyone control me...
Well, Lynda looks way better than the lady at 0:58, who obviously got way too much sun in her life. She looks like a prune. Its nice of them all to apologize.
There's a movie called "Flatliners" which deals with this topic.The theme is atonement. You have to make up for the wrong you do and those who wronged you are held accountable for the wrong they did. No one gets away scot free.
It's not fashionable in today's society. Those bullied are told they are not "tough enough". Bullies are excused on the grounds that "kids will be kids". "Oh, it was years ago; no big deal."
Even Catholics don't go to confession as they used to and that serves three purposes: you have to examine your conscience and admit to yourself that what you did that was wrong; you have to actually tell it to Christ in the person of the priest; and you have to do something to make up for the wrong you did.
People don't understand why we have to do that-why tell someone like a priest when God can just forgive you? Yes, He can, but you can also shrug it off with, " Oh, God forgave me so what you think or feel about what I did is not my problem. It's your problem; get over it already."
These former bullies are aware of the damage they inflicted and now they are trying to atone for what they did. The most powerful words in this situation are, "I am sorry" and "I forgive you".I hope they are given the chance to apologize and she is given the chance to forgive them.
T
Funny how everyone is complaining about Chris's endorsement of bullying and subsequently bullying him for having a different opinion than theirs. You hypocrites.
Then, half the comments are about him, and all of his comments are "collapsed by the community"
Talk about hypocrisy...
Freespeeche ~~newsvine is a bullies mecca and free speech never happens here.. I feel the same way .. Its not worth the time to comment when some one oh my god disagrees with a comment and poof collasped by the community . are they trying to win some popularity competition unannounced by newsvine, they are the supreme bullies ... now thats funny ...MUHWAHHHH to everyone!!!!
Chris had a false conclusion, that bullying makes you stronger.
I never got stronger. It tore me down as a person, made me believe I was worthless.
It never occurred to me to get angry, or stick up for myself, or any of that. It literally did not cross my mind. I assumed that if they said I was a stupid worthless person, it must be because I was. Why else would they say it?
The abuse we dealt with every day at home far outweighed the bullying at school. Even so it hurt when we were hungry, and it hurt to realize my toenails were lifting off the toe nailbed because my shoes were too small. I felt that everyone knew what we were going through and I felt like I deserved it. 50 years later and a lot of therapy I realize we were not special, everyone lives through their own private hell. It is what you do with yourself when you grow up that matters.
Holy smokes! so sad but cool at the same time, does that make sense?
Makes perfect sense to me.
I admire this woman's courage. I'm not sure too many people would want to face those that had ridiculed them so much during their formative years. It's a great testament to her resiliency as much as anything else.
Her daughter is 14 and already overweight? Who's that on?
The woman should take those bulling cry babies $800.00 and take her daughter shopping and forget the silly class reunion.
Outstanding for her. I am 51 years old and am still scarred by both the physical and emotional tormenting I received in High School, including a couple teachers that encouraged and joined in. Unbearable events that to this day I still have kept inside and not shared. -- Since FB, during the past two years, six of my classmates have reached out to apologize. One was insistent on speaking on the phone to personally describe his involvements. It has been a mixed bag. In one way it brings to the forefront some horrible memories. But it also has helped me appreciate that perhaps it wasn't my fault; that the bullying was real, not imagined. A lifetime, people. Stop bullying now!
I never learned to stick up for myself. Being bullied didn't toughen me up or make me stronger.
It did teach me that it's not worth the trouble to talk to people or try to make friends.
It taught me to be invisible. The best I could hope for was to not be noticed -- by the kids, by the teachers, by anybody.
School was a very lonely place.
By the time I got to high school, I wasn't bullied as much because nobody knew I was there. No friends, no enemies, just do the work and go home. But don't do too well or you get noticed, and don't do too poorly or you get noticed.
To this day I'm desperately afraid of people noticing or paying attention to me. I'm fine when I'm by myself, but I feel crushingly alone whenever I'm around a group of people, especially in unstructured social situations. I don't know how to have conversations without panicking. People I know well I'm ok with... usually.
I was bullied from 1st-10th grades(then changed schools where I was merely ignored). You don't entirely get over this. I can't visit my hometown of Eugene, Ore. without feeling like someone is going to somehow going to make fun of my strange maiden name or even try something physically-even though it has been 30+ years. Fortunately we live 1500 miles from there, and of course the passage of time. I do get ballistic when I see kids picked on excluded, ect. especially my own. Have to watch the blood pressure. I do have to tell myself my enemies(most classmates) were and are evil,that they took advantage of my passive,nice,midwest, sheltered,religious Lutheran upbringing- allowing them to abuse without any retaliation on my part (until I got to my late teens and twenties). Sometimes I have to "pump myself up" imagining myself with aggressive groups of young people and imagining myself dealing with them(though I really dont enjoy such groups).
I think this is probably a very common feeling for people who were bullied and people who did the bullying. It's a tricky situation though, because every one of these people are not the same people they were 25 years ago. Most people completely change after being out of high shool for 2 decades (hopefully). I think the best lesson from this story is for parents with children today bring this up with their own kids, especially when they hear them complaining about an annoying classmate, or making jokes about someone else. I also hope anyone who is in middle or high school who reads this story stops and takes a look at their own lives to see how much of an effect their actions can have on another person.
Good for you!!!
I was TORTURED as a child. There is a reason we come to school with that "someone please help me look". We are wondering if today, please god, is that day that someone in authority up at that school will SEE and help me. We can't tell for fear of that "It" will find out that we told and we will get sent right back home....to "It". We have uneven bangs from a home haircut because we are not worth a $6.99 Kustom Klips haircut. You call us "rag bag" because we truly are wearing rags, and our brother's shoes. Oh, and teacher, don't call on me. I know the answer (I have a high IQ and you don't give a crap) and I can't answer because the kids snicker even when I give the right answer. And you don't stop them because something in that bullying fulfills your dark side too.
Thank all of you. No, truly. Thank you. You really have made me the person I am today.
I raised a child who was walking through the hall way one day and saw a couple kids hit another child and knock his books and papers all over the hallway. They tore open his lunch bag and kicked his apple down the hallway.
My son walked right over to those kids and confronted them. He asked them why they did it and none of them even knew why. They didn't have an answer. By this time everyone in the hallway had stopped. He made one of the kids pick up all of the bullied kid's homework and put it back in his folder and made the other kid go get his apple. Then my son asked which one of them was going to give the victim money so he can buy a lunch since his was ruined. He used his popularity to make a difference in someone's day.
That's the child I raised.
You people taught me a lesson I couldn't have ever learned from a book. And that was the honor of teaching another human being be a strong, tolerant, man with a true moral compass.
Oh, and since everyone was all about looks and appearances, if you see me out and about, that's right, I'm in the Jaguar. And that thing hauls butt so ya still might wanna stay outta my way with your 8 year old Honda Accord. Peace.
Peace.
As someone who was mercilessly bullied throughout school, I find this article very offensive. Why would I want to forgive the thoughtless, cruel, careless people who never gave a thought to my feelings except to see what it would take to reduce me to sub-zero? I have no interest in taking away any pain or regret they may feel just to make them feel better about themselves now. Live with it, and I hope you are reduced to the tears I shed when I was ill equipped to deal with it. I am in my fifties and while I am relatively happy now, so many, many years have been lost trying to come to grips with my formative years. The decisions I made in an effort to be accepted were some of the worst decisions I could have made. My children did not have the joyful, outgoing mother who participated in school events or neighborhood parties because I could never risk the negativity I was sure other parents and teachers would project onto me. Even now, I question so much of what I do or say, second guessing myself, often sure that others are talking about me once I am out of earshot, completely unable to have any real friends and unable to seek help because it is all just so humiliating. So, you who think bullying will toughen the victim up; grow up. You have no idea what you're talking about. To those of you who thought it would make you more popular or cool to pick on the meek loner, I hope you feel regret and angst for the rest of your life. There is no way I would ever relieve you of that guilt, it is well deserved and the price, at the very least, that you should pay.
Carrie IV?
I was bullied by "mean girls" in 7th & 8th grade - My grades suffered, my self esteem was demolished.
What stopped the bullying was when I no longer cared what these girls thought and let them know it. Then the bullying stopped.
Years later, i ran into the ring leader, who did apologize. Just the sight of her froze me with fear....all the humiliation, tears, pain. I could not even look at her to accept her apology. I am still terrified of her.
It does stay with you for the rest of your life.
Hey Folks, I think it is pretty clear that Chirs150 wants to be recognized as the poster boy for bullying. I say this because no matter what people post in opposition to bullying, he comes right back to defend his position. I find him amusing because he reminds me of a guy I knew growing up in the barrio. He belong to a gang called the "Midnighters"and liked to fight to the point that he drove the rest of the gang members screwy. Well luck would have it that one day after taking a sizable dose of angel dust he decided that it would be a good idea to challenge all of his fellow gang members to a fight, one at a time. Well, this went on for several hours, he was a bloody mess by this point and then suddenly he decided that it would be a good idea to pick a fight with the gang leader. This was a bad idea and many of his fellow gang members tried to tell him so but he wasn't having it. So off he went while the Song "Angle Baby"blared from a car stereo as he took a swing at the Capi and next thing you know it is on and poppin' Each time he would take a swing the Capi would respond with a combo of head shots and body blows, the only problem is that he wouldn't go down and stay down. It was at this point that things took a real turn for the worse because the Capi went to the trunk of his lowered 51 Chevy fastback took out the jack stand that weighs about 15 pounds and proceeded to beat the dog @!$%# out of this guy with it. The crazy part is that he never went down and kept coming back for more until the Capi gave up, and put the jack stand back in the trunk of his car and went back to drinking his beer and listening to the oldies. I still remember seeing this guy standing there covered in blood to the point that you couldn't make out his jail house tats, both eyes swollen shut, gashes to his face and head as he stood there and said to the rest of his fellow bangers, "I didn't go down Ese, I didn't go down." So as you Folks continue to drive your point home with Chris 150 just think of Mingo and the ass whoopin' that he took in the man of standing one's ground and how each response he gives you that's his way of saying that he never went down.
I wasn't physically bullied, but snide comments and just plain being ignored by my classmates hurt. My brother was actually my worst bully. I moved far away from my family when I was 18. I never went back for almost 25 years. I missed out on watching my sisters kids grow, helping my mom when she got older, I lost track of what few childhood friends I did have.. It did make me strong in one sense because I had to fend for myself once I was on my own. But I missed out on a lifetime of memories of loved ones.
Me too. But it wasn't just humiliations, having my pet Beagle raped, my belongings stolen- my older brother also beat me for 19 years and stopped for the sole reason that he was scared of the Marine Corps weight lifter I was dating.
He also stole everything Mom and Dad made, threatened kill all of us with a 12 gauge shotgun, and made Dad put his name on the bank accounts, and bro. claimed it was all his money. He was furious when I refused to sign legal papers giving him the whole of Dad's estate: the car and the house were the only things he did not already have. He cannot understand why I have refused to have any contact with him since 1975.
There's a wonderful line from a movie that we can apply to the people who abused us. "I shall think of you as dead until you die. And then I shall never think of you again."
@Chirs150 Want some skittles and iced tea? as a bonus, here's a hoodie.