20 years might be a bit too long to hold a grudge over highschool/ teenage shenanigans. Just saying :D

Khalid: apparently you haven't been through anything severe enough to understand it. To be simplistic and dismiss bullying as 'just shenanigans' means you don't realise the damage that is done by bullying. Only lately are psychologists finding that there is significant damage done and that is IS carried with people through their entire lives and that it even effects their everyday choices and their everyday living.

I was bullied A LOT through middle and high school. Literally I would be walking down a hallway and students on both sides of the wall would push me back and forth between them. People would make fun of the way I looked. It was so bad that even 21 years later I have no sympathy for them, and judging from their facebook comments (back when I was on facebook, will never do that crap again) I can tell they haven't changed a bit. They're still the same ol' clicky group that preys on the weaknesses of others. Ever seen the movie Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion? Remember those bullying girls who hadn't changed after many years of being out of high school? It's sad, but true, that peoples' personalities really never change. When I was a child I was well mannered, and I still am. I work with a bunch of pricks and bitches who, when they cop an attitude or treat you like dirt, and you ask them what's wrong, they just say "Oh, I'm just tired". What I want to say to them is "No, you're not tired, you're just a hateful person".

So very sad that 20 years later, he still cares about what those insignificant people did to him. But then we have proudamericanveteran who sounds like he was and still is a bully. Pathetic.

Spoken like a person that has never been bullied, veteran. Who the hell are you to decide for others what does and does not affect them? Jack ass

I find it ironic that they bullied and threatened him as a teen with impunity but when he threatened them as an adult they didn't hesitate to call the police on him. Maybe bullied teens need to bypass the school system and go straight to the police.

Kate

What is bullied? Bullied use to be the big kid that extorted your lunch money, beat you for no reason and terrorized you. Now a "bully" is anyone that denies your friend request on Facebook.

If for twenty years this guy has let this affect him without changing himself then he is a loser.. plain and simple. Adversity can make you better or worse ..its your choice. Not everyone makes the team or the cheerleading squad. Not everyone is accepted into the fraternity or sorority or becomes a CEO that is life.

The best you can do is take a measure of yourself and change those things that you can. Study harder, work harder, exercise, meditate, etc. What makes people losers, both physically and mentally is not they get knocked down but they choose to stay down.

Sorry the world isn't all kittens, butterflies and rainbows. Thats life. I was in the bottom tier of my high school's little social circle. My parents were poor so keeping up with style changes was out of the question, I am short ( was then too) and I was over weight.

Lost the weight, graduated Summa Cum Laude, assumed more challenging and responsible roles and started two companies. I attend all of my reunions from high school and harbor no grudges against anyone. The obstacles made me change myself and become stronger. This guy enjoyed the self-pity party too much.

C'mon everyone!! Let's give proudamericanveteran a big round of applause. I am so happy that you are able to understand everything in all of our lives and tell us what we need to do. Without you I don't know where this world would be.

Now, honestly.....you sound like a dude I would move away from at the bar.

Suck it up! Be a man!! Rub some dirt in it!!!

Proudamericanvet says;
"I was in the bottom tier of my high school's little social circle"

Yep, we get that!

I guess that, for proudamericanveteran, the then kids now adults who testified against Sanduski are also losers, because, come on, after so many years, they should have got over it. Childhood/youth trauma can impact people for life. If you haven't been victimized or have recovered from it, good for you proundveteran. But not everybody is a real life superhero like you.

proudamericanveteran:

Your SAGE advice amounts to nothing more than "suck it up and deal with it like I did" - and your rationale is FAR out to sea. Your statements reflect someone that obviously thinks that bullying is like a cookie cutter: its the same everywhere and 'everyone goes through it'. So everyone aught to 'just deal with it'.

Their bullying could have been a lot WORSE than yours - leaving them a lot worse off than YOU were. Did you EVER STOP TO THINK that maybe that could happen? Because it certainly doesn't sound like you've entertained that thought.

Here is an idea: why don't you email your SAGE advice to Tyler Clementi's parents and tell them where their son went wrong. I'm sure that they would want to hear it: so would any other parent that has had to suffer through the aftermath of their child's suicide because of bullying. One more thing: until you've actually looked around and recognised the effects that this subject has been having in the society that you live in and notice that it has gotten a lot WORSE, I suggest that you shouldn't be so proud of your ignorance.

Almost everyone at one time or another is subject to bullying; some more than others. I experienced some bullying at different intervals throughout my childhood and no, it was not a pleasant experience. That being said, at a certain point you have to suck it up and either endure or adjust. Your ignorance obviously blinds you to the long term ramifications that bullying has and psychologists have determined it affects you long after the events have passed. The preceding sentence and those like it are common words and themes spoken by the truly foolish in our world. It's not that I believe that bullying serves any positive purpose, quite the contrary. The problem as I see it is two fold.

First, it's a fairly new cause, a new phenomenon; people love causes. Causes make us feel good about ourselves and if we can make a difference then all the better. The problem with people who gravitate toward causes is that they often get tunnel vision when trying to work out solutions to their cause. In an effort to right perceived wrongs they often end up wronging rights. They screw up other things along the way negatively affecting those who were neither victims nor culprits as it relates to their particular cause. Whether we remodel a dilapidated home for a family that now can't afford the elevated property taxes or we create new legislation that further categorizes individuals based on susceptibility to bullying, we create fallout. We create new sets of problems for a separate group of cause-junkies to try to correct later. Or worse, we let those in control of our culture dictate winners and losers and good innocent people wind up suffering.

Also, people especially love causes that are pervasive enough that they themselves may even qualify as a victim. Self-victimization is like a drug; for some reason (perhaps due to the cause-culture we've created) more and more people view this as positive attention. They crave the opportunity to shout, "You don't know what it's like to __fill_in_the_blank___". They crave the stare of shifting, sympathetic eyes and the quiet pulse of bleeding hearts. There is no sugar-coating it, this is a childish view of the world and while it seems innocuous, like anything else it is dangerous at elevated levels.

Bullying can become a problem; it's a valid concern. The problem I have with most of the above posts is how zealously defensive people have become in validating the newly enflamed bullying hysteria. The direction we will undoubtedly go in trying to combat it will be moronic; seriously, rest assured, things are going to get stupid so be prepared for the absurd. I kinda understand your annoyance proudamerican.

JQ: Excellent post. Couldn't agree more.

I agree Collie it said I "wanted to" and "I'm still seeking vengence" Doesen't mean he's going to kill them just some sort or repraisel. He looks sick and if they had a heart those cowards they could have contacted him an apologized BEFORE THE REUNION Duh but lets face it they are not sorry and I am sure he was the topic of their conversation at their BORING reunion. Thats all right I hear bullies in heaven become civil servants of God....

Agree, I only see free speech. I guess his ex-classmates felt threatened only because they knew he was telling the truth about the abuse he endured at their hands. That, to me, is an admission of guilt.

Gee maybe she didn't graduate because she was bullied and left before graduation. That doesn't mean she didn't go to school with you, or wasn't in the same class as you. Still trying to play "your not in my group" elitism 30 years later. My heart bleeds purple piss for your "bully whining about getting bullied back" speech. I think it's easy to say move on when you were the one torturing someone and not the tortured. I also find it ironic that you call being reminded that you treated someone like sh*t "bullying and picking on" a select few. You mean the select few that were the worst offenders? Amazing that when someone who's picked on fights back all of a sudden they're the bully. I have no sympathy for you or any other turd that took pleasure in harassing and terrorizing kids in schools just because they could. You say to get over it in regards what happened to her when she was bullied yet you took steps to prevent this woman from attending a reunion when you thought she was bullying the bullies. Take your own advice hypocrite and get over it. Isn't there a school dance for you to try to keep the nerds from attending somewhere?

So sorry you didn't like the results of your and others handiwork.

Well reunion Mom you had something to look forward to when U returned to your High School Reunion. Not everyone does, but what's really been nice for me is I've connected with all my Grade school friends High School friend and College Friends and all of them say the same thing You were so nice and accepting of everyone you made me feel good about myself even if others didn't. I was VERY popular very smart and worshiped in High School but I also fought for the under dog and anyone who be-littled the weaker person I'd go up against the football team cheerleaders, ANYONE who tried to hurt someone just because they were popular enough to do it. So my advised to you is keep your yap shut and pray it doesen't happen to your child cause it just might...

20 years ago bullying was not recognized as the issue it is today. I'm not about to blame anyone - the victim or the perpetrators - but it is incredibly sad that this has festered in this man for 20 years and he has been unable to move past it. I'm sure the people he believes bullied him have moved on and probably matured. They should not have to fear for their safety at this late date. I did not experience the kind of bullying this person apparently did, but certainly was not one of the "crowd" as we moved to the town when I was a teenager and we lived too far from the town school for my parents to arrange transportation for extra curricular activities etc where I could have made friends. I felt badly at the time, but just had to move along. Have not kept in touch with anyone I went to school with and have not for one minute been curious enough to go to a reunion - just not an important part of my life. I do wish someone had helped this man put this in perspective and put it behind him.

I think it's getting easy to tell who wasn't picked on in school by the lack of empathy in their comments. If it had happened to you I doubt you'd be so forgiving of bullies who you're sure have "matured" over the years even though you've never met them.

Not "sure" they have matured but think it likely most have since they are also 20 years older. Also not lacking empathy but am also really sad that no one has apparently helped him move past this very difficult situation so he could enjoy the rest of his life. I believe I acknowledged that I was not bullied in the sense he was, but rather simply ignored and while both can be painful for an adolescent, I do understand there is a difference.

He said wanted to at graduation time. As in past tense. Or where you to busy beating up kids for lunch money to learn that in English class?

ThatDude: Before you criticise people, you should walk a mile in their boots. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their boots....

I can't feel bad for the "schmuck" either, but i would hand him another clip.

Some Lame Name Here - you need to read the article. He stated he is still seeking vengence against those who bullied him. Even referencing Columbine in the past tense is a huge red flag to just about anyone. If he thought he would get back at the bullies by frightening them consider that he is the one who spent a night in jail and now faces charges. The bullies are still winning without doing anything. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs.

I did read the article Anita. While he did say that he still sought vengeance that fact that he used past tense for killing them "Columbine style" at least in my mind said that option was off the table now that he's older and had time to think about it. I agree that doesn't mean he isn't going to do them harm but not involving murder or death at least not intentionally. I guess you just read something different in what he said than I did. And let's be honest and use some deductive reasoning here( wacky I know). If he truly had intended to do these people any harm I'm pretty sure he would have done it sometime in the last 20 years. The fact that he hasn't up til this point so many years later leads me to believe that he isn't ever going to do it. Beside getting so see all those girls and guys who treated you like crap because they were prettier than you after they've gone way down hill after 20 years is usually the best revenge. I've seen many a classmate that I once lusted after and it looks like they did me a favor giving me the cold shoulder back in the day cause 20 years later I dodged a bullet. Now mind you I'm not as pretty as I was 20 years ago but I wasn't that good looking to begin with so I didn't have as much to lose. Time the great equalizer Bwhahahahaha.

And maybe the difference is that you didn't get it all through junior high and high school. if it had been on-going till the day you left school it might have been a different story.

yeah he needs someone to hold the bully down while he gets his kicks in. then he will feel so much better and finally have closure for the crap that he had to take as a kid.

Windy: SO.... you want to hear from some "ex-bullies"? After they have either forgotten (or "didn't know" - always a good excuse) about the purposefully inflicted pain they put others through - those who would never want to admit that they were a complete ARSE to other kids? People who may actually think back and still laugh from time to time about being hurtful who then excuse themselves with 'well I was a stupid kid back then'? THOSE people - and you want to hear them say.... that they're feeling SORRY?

When Hell freezes over perhaps....

Windy,

Interesting and yes logical way to deflate a bully. I think when I was growing up no one would think of such a thing or probably not sign it maybe in fear of who's going to give it to the bully. Kids back then either took the bullying or had a bigger brother to take care of the bully. I for one was not bullied so I can not place myself in that situation. Also my parents taught me the meaning of respect to everyone. Sometimes you have to stand up to the bullies or they will just continue their rule by fear.

Alan,

I'm over sixty, so I don't know if anyone else thought of that either in my time. I marched forward with some pretty strange ideas about how to make things work. But bullies were mainly considered a fact of school life. It's good that that's changed, because some kids have no resources to cope with bullies. They have no idea how to stand up for themselves. At my high school reunion there was one friend who carried an amazing resentment towards some of the lunkheads who pushed him around, like it was yesterday. By the way, I was lucky to have parents who taught me respect for everyone, too. And a big sister who was formidable when she got mad.