Cyber-graciousness: Students set up Facebook sites for compliments

Eyal Hanfling was browsing Facebook one recent evening when he noticed that a friend, a student at Columbia University in New York, had received a glowing comment from an account called “Columbia Compliments.

Further down his newsfeed was a compliment for another friend from an account called “TJ Compliments,” for Thomas Jefferson High School.

By midnight, Hanfling established an account for his school, Walt Whitman High in Bethesda, Md., a public high school of about 2,000 students. By the next evening, about 300 compliments had been submitted to Hanfling – at that point still an anonymous administrator – who in turn posted them. Those receiving the compliments were tagged in the post, but they didn’t know their flatterer.   

Courtesy of Eyal Hanfling

The Facebook page "Whitman Compliments" was inspired by Queens University Compliments in Canada, created in September. Students submit compliments, which are then posted online anonymously. There are now at least 98 similar sites at universities and high schools, most of them in Canada and the U.S.


 


The Facebook compliments craze was started in September by four students at Queens University in Ontario, Canada as an antidote to cyber-bullying and a way to spread joy across campus. The women who founded Queens U. Compliments have since started a hub page for all compliments groups, of which there are now 98, most of them in Canada and the U.S.

Speaking with Time’s Techland blog, Queens U. Compliments co-founder Rachel Albi likened the page to the 2000 movie, "Pay It Forward," about an 11-year-old boy who starts a goodwill movement in which people do favors for people who, in turn, do favors for others.

The compliments forums could have a “contagious effect in a positive sense,” Glenn Stutzky, an instructor at the School of Social Work at Michigan State University, told the Detroit Free Press.

Courtesy of Eyal Hanfling

Eyal Hanfling, a senior at Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda, Md., was inspired to create the Facebook page, "Whitman Compliments."

“I like the idea of having something other than cyber-bullying,” Stutzky said. “This is cyber-graciousness.”

Hanfling said there has been cyber-bullying at his school, but few turned up in submissions to Whitman Compliments. 

“I was really worried that people would take advantage of the system and write horrible things about their classmates and peers,” he told NBC News. But of the 1,500 comments or so submitted over four days, just four or five were unkind, he said. Only one used a curse word.

If anything, the complimenting became competitive. That’s not too surprising for a high school that graduates 88 percent of its students to four-year colleges and that was profiled in a book called, “The Overachievers.

“Students were overachieving in the compliments,” Hanfling said. “Someone would post a compliment, and someone else would post an even longer, even more supportive and even funnier compliment.”

Among the more carefully considered compliments:

"This is an appreciation post dedicated to your hair. Let us all marvel its beauty."

And:

"Youre the only person I know who can run a 5K with a smile on their face. Your style is impeccable and it looks like you're always swaggin out. You're there in the hard times and the great times and just an amazing friend who I am always happy to be around."

And:

"you're one of the sweetest guys I've ever known. We grew so close last year and I love talking to you because you're such a genuine listener. You're an incredibly strong person and I really admire that. Never change! You're amazing."

Hanfling closed Whitman Compliments at midnight on Thursday. In a column for the student newspaper, the Black and White, he identified himself as the creator and manager of the forum. Not even his parents or younger sister had known. Hanfling wrote:

When was the last time we complimented a random person in one of our classes? When was the last time we actually wished a random athlete “good luck” in the hallway before their game or congratulated someone on their victory at a tournament? Friends can “like” online posts, but real-life conversations are always more meaningful.

After the column was published online, Hanfling enjoyed momentary stardom. He walked into a classroom and received a standing ovation. At a hockey game, he was given a similar reception.

And while he hopes his classmates compliment each other in person now, there was another reason Hanfling curtailed the Facebook page: homework. For the four days that Whitman Compliments existed, Hanfling dedicated his evenings, from 5 p.m. to midnight, to the forum.   

“I do not have enough hours in my day to copy and paste so many compliments,” he said.

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Discuss this post

How cool is that? Makes you realize how sucky we all are most of the time. Did you say something nice to someone today? Or did you just respond to a post with "idiot" and "moron"?

  • 8 votes
Reply#1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 4:47 PM EST

Idiot....just kidding.

  • 2 votes
#1.1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 9:46 PM EST

The truth is that I recently called an idiot an idiot (not here). He posted a full page rant filled with hatred. I was being as honest.

    #1.2 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:50 AM EST
    Reply

    There is much hope.

    • 3 votes
    Reply#2 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 4:58 PM EST

    Love this! Hope it's one Facebook thing that DOES spread!

    • 6 votes
    Reply#3 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 5:22 PM EST

    who gives a FFF

    • 1 vote
    Reply#4 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 6:03 PM EST

    Partly because of the attitude you've displayed. Why do you feel the overwhelming need to be rude? Something bothering you in your life or are you just naturally incapable of showing any compasion?

    Either way its something to work on. Positive communication always yields better results. I've personally never understood why people go out of their way to be cruel.

    • 10 votes
    #4.1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 7:28 PM EST

    I'm guessing the point of this facebook page went completely over his head.

    • 9 votes
    #4.2 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 7:36 PM EST

    Some people do find it difficult to feel compassion for a multi-billion dallar profitting web-content gimmick. However, those same people may be very compassionate towards human beings.

    • 1 vote
    #4.3 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:48 AM EST

    I agree Jeff D -

    Texts? Tweets? E-mails? Instant Messaging? Wow - you 'typed' something nice about me?? However did we get so completely obsessed with electronic substitutions for relationships?

    Please explain, what IS it about Personal Interaction that we have come to abhor so much?

    If you Reaallly want to pay me a compliment, Spend Some Time With Me!!

      #4.4 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:20 PM EST

      Jeff & Mr. Miller are on point. I don't think people taking 10 seconds our of their lives to write a nice sentence on Facebook is very newsworthy. How about an article on soup kitchen volunteers?

      Plus, is it really a heartfelt compliment if you just write something positive for an unknown recipient?

      Although, I must say, Mr. Miller's hair looks really nice and he's a really smart guy omg lulz

        #4.5 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:06 AM EST
        Reply

        If you haven't figured it out yet, FB is about exploiting users for their personal gain. How about complimenting people in person. It's much more effective.

        • 4 votes
        Reply#5 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 6:07 PM EST

        Everybody already knows this. Thank you Captain Obvious.

        • 5 votes
        #5.1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 9:00 PM EST

        PlzThink

        I would compliment my friends on facebook in person if they lived in the same state as i do. Don't just hate FB because it make money they help a lot of us keep in touch with people from our past and out of state relatives.

        • 1 vote
        #5.2 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:07 PM EST
        Reply

        It was kinda nice having this for a few days, especially considering most of the people at whitman are total jackasses.

        • 2 votes
        Reply#6 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 8:58 PM EST

        Well you could always compliment them on their topnotch jackassery...

        • 3 votes
        #6.1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 9:47 PM EST

        I suppose it's good that for just a little while, a few @!$%#s decided to put their topnotch jackassery on hold and be nice to others. But I'm still not looking forward to seeing them all at an ungodly hour tomorrow morning, at which time they will all continue their topnotch jackassery.

        • 1 vote
        #6.2 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 10:17 PM EST

        ...or, instead of worrying about it, you could do your homework, pay attention in class and get it done. then you could move on with the rest of your life.

          #6.3 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 1:37 PM EST
          Reply

          Now that potential employers are requiring job seekers to give them their Facebook account name and passwords, maybe people will take the time to set up fake Facebook accounts with lots of praise from their 'friends'. This way the account will be ready in case its needed. Then I suppose there will be a new cottege industry springing up that sells Facebook accounts that have already been built up....just add phoney pictures of the new owner.

          • 1 vote
          Reply#7 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 9:22 PM EST

          If any employer EVER asks for my FB account access, I will simply say no. If they fire me--let the lawsuits begin.

          • 2 votes
          #7.1 - Sun Dec 9, 2012 9:51 PM EST

          It's against facebook policy to give your username & password to anyone.

          • 1 vote
          #7.2 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:48 AM EST
          Reply

          I say something nice to someone everyday, but I don't use facebook to do it.:) Call me old fashioned...I don't mind in the least. :D Happy Holidays To All!

          Julie

          • 1 vote
          Reply#8 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:28 AM EST

          So instead of learning and studying they goof off on facebook patting each others backs. Its little wonder todays kids are as thick as two short planks , yes , thats right spotty ... its you im refering to.

          • 2 votes
          Reply#9 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:39 AM EST

          At least if students are going to be goofing off online, they are having a positive effect. One thing we have to accept in this age of technology is that our children are going to be spending a good amount of time online. At least with sites like this, we do not have to worry about them hurting someone, and for that child who has been a victim of cyber-bullying, seeing something nice written about them online would probably be a relief.

            #9.1 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:38 PM EST

            Well at least if kids are going to be goofing off they will be doing something that is productive and not demeaning to others. We have to accept that in this day and age, kids are going to be spending a lot of time online. This web site at least give kids a place to be nice to each other. For the child who has been a victim of cyber-bullying, seeing something nice written about them online would probably be a relief.

            • 1 vote
            #9.2 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:51 PM EST
            Reply

            Okay, now I'm crying. Can barely see to type. GREAT story !! We need more of these. Thank you, NBC.

            • 4 votes
            Reply#10 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:44 AM EST

            Sometimes it only takes a word to make someone's day or to ruin it.

            • 2 votes
            Reply#11 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:43 AM EST

            Although facebook has always been about vanity, it is nice to see these 'compliments' pages created for a positive and unselfish purpose. I hope it may do some good.

            • 1 vote
            Reply#12 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:44 AM EST

            As someone firmly entrenched in Olde Goatdom, it's refreshing to read about something positive. Maybe there is a glimmer of hope for my grandhildren and their peers.

            • 1 vote
            Reply#13 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:44 PM EST

            My son anonomously started one his senior year at his high school a couple of years ago after several inflammatory pages were started. The comments on those pages were cruel and plentiful. The response he received was amazing. He ultimately brought in a few other people on it to handle the moderation before eventually turning it all over to them (he had a life outside of this). This is not something new at all, but the public awareness my prove beneficial.

              Reply#14 - Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:59 PM EST

              While this idea sounds good and is quite a welcome change from cyber bullying, how about people who actually have physical proximity to one another giving compliments face to face, instead of doing it through electronic media? Or is that too difficult or embarrassing?

                Reply#15 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 6:42 AM EST

                90% of my friends on FB are out of state....

                  #15.1 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 1:40 PM EST
                  Reply
                  • Nice!
                    Reply#16 - Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:19 PM EST
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