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Jessica Mcgowan / for NBC News
Former Marine Paul Menefee, an Iraq war veteran, makes music in his Union City, Ga bedroom, on Feb. 15. Since transitioning to civilian life, Menefee works as a music producer in Atlanta. At home, Menefee spends most of his time in this blacked out bedroom making music and relaxing. Drawing blinds and blacking out windows is a habit Menefee started after his military service to help him feel more secure.
In the first month home from war, one Marine routinely searched his darkened bedroom for the rifle he'd left in Iraq, while another Marine shunned his favorite nightspot for fear that someone in the club might carry a gun.
In the four weeks after their homecomings, one infantryman drove “white knuckled” at 55 mph while another soldier purposely began living even faster — losing her virginity, going blonde and drinking hard with battle buddies.
Some 34,000 service members will ship home from Afghanistan during the next year, President Barack Obama told the nation last week.
Amid the gleeful glow of arrivals, many of those troops may quickly confront sensory overloads, social awkwardness and, perhaps, deep cravings for personal freedoms, according to interviews with four younger veterans who weathered such moments.
“The first 30 days are interesting,” said Alex Horton, who spent 15 months in Iraq as an Army infantryman, including during the 2007 troop surge in Baghdad and Diyala Province.
Today, he works for the Department of Veterans Affairs. "I’ll call it the unraveling. That first week back you’re still high on everything, kissing your wife or girlfriend, sometimes seeing your kids for the first time. But then the tension starts to build.
“You experience culture and weather shock, and notice your senses are heightened,” said Horton, adding that another common theme — albeit something he did not go through — involves disrupting the daily routines established by a spouse and kids during a service member’s absence, and consequently, dealing with strained relationships.
Distant from family
To that point, two veterans interviewed for this story, including Horton, said they suffered romantic breakups after returning from combat, and two got divorced.
Jessica Mcgowan / for NBC News
Former Marine Paul Menefee, an Iraq war veteran, shows off his spiritual tattoos at home in Union City, Ga., on Feb. 15. The "Blessed" tattoo is one many Menefee has gotten after his two tours in Iraq.
"Trying to get back to my regular life was hard because I wouldn’t talk much to anybody. I didn’t want to talk about what went on in Iraq, didn't want to describe the details," said Paul Menefee, a former Marine who was deployed twice to Iraq and fought in the Battle of Fallujah in late 2004.
"Things that happened, I didn’t want to remember. I was trying to cope in my own way, not deal with the images in my head," added Menefee, who eventually divorced his wife. "I was distant from my wife, mother, cousins, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles. At Sunday dinners, I pretty much stayed off to myself."
Old habits came home, too. During his first 30 days back at Camp Lejeune, N.C., Menefee grew jittery in a Wal-Mart checkout line because other customers were queued up behind him. He left the store immediately. He avoided nightclub outings with friends because the bar crowds seemed unpredictable.
He chose seats in the backs of restaurants so he could watch all the patrons and map each exit. At home, he kept his blinds drawn, his door locked and always looked left then glanced right when passing a hallway or an open corner.
On interstate highways, Menefee — a truck driver in Iraq — often pulled four lanes to his left if he spotted a blown tire or crumpled, food wrapper lying on the right shoulder: The types of hiding places in which insurgents routinely planted IEDs in Iraq. While driving in an American city, he would take an early left or an abrupt right if he saw garbage or roadkill on an approaching curb.
"You don’t realize that (your senses are) very fine-tuned to your environment, everything from hearing things to seeing things," Horton said. "I imagine this is what blind people feel with their other senses. You rely on them so much (in combat), they have no business being that acute in the civilian world."
"When I got into a car and drove on a highway for the first time," Horton added, "I was white knuckled."
For former Marine Christian Gutierrez, who returned from Iraq in spring 2008, the open road at first carried a mix of old caution and fresh freedom.
During quick trips to the grocery store, he frequently would exit his car then quickly circle back, thinking he'd left his rifle in the front seat, momentarily forgetting he didn't carry a weapon anymore.
"But I love cars and love driving. So I drove a lot because it was my time," Gutierrez said. "That moment was your moment. You had control of your car. You had control of that moment."
'Lucky I didn't die'
Soon, he bought a motorcycle to further feed that rush of independence, to expand his new-found personal space — and because combat left him with another sharp bit of wisdom: Your moments on this planet may be few.
"Being back taught me that if I want to do something, I’d better do something right now. You never know," he said.
That same compulsion drove Iraq veteran Laura Cannon to use her first 30 days home to mark, she said, "the beginning of a new life for me," a time in which she stepped away from both Evangelical Christianity and the strict rules under which she'd been living since enrolling at West Point.
"I knew that if I didn't make drastic changes, being at war would be the last adventure I would ever experience," said Cannon, a former Army infantry member who was part of the 2003 Coalition invasion. "Surviving a war completely changed my perspective. I needed to start living for me. So I made a mental list of goals to accomplish. No. 1 — lose my virginity. I was 24 for God's sake!"
During her first month home, Cannon also bought an SUV, broke up with a boyfriend, dyed her hair blonde, visited Ground Zero, posted a personal best in a 5K race, and found time to "party my ass off with my war buddies — heavy drinking."
In Iraq, "there was (stuff) blowing up everywhere. I'm lucky I didn't die. I hadn't done enough with my life," she said. "I had survived a war. I had a second chance to live differently. I was not going to let others control me anymore. It was time to make more adventures and maybe get some baggage along the way. I was so far behind. Lots to catch up on."
"The rapid pace at which I compensated for my repressed life, especially in the first 30 days after the war," Cannon added, "were completely catalyzed by combat."
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when i got out after the 1st gulf war i experienced much of the same symptoms as these troops, it fades away over time except maybe going out i still look for the nearest exits you can never be to safe.then again my war and their wars were polar opposites.our orders were if it moves it dies. i have much respect for the younger vetrans to put up with the half hearted roe's they've had to endure and survive.i thank you from the bottom of my heart and i'm sorry you had to grow up to finish what they should have let us do.
I know what these guys are going through. As a military wife my husband still does the same things. We always sit in the back of an establishment so he can see all the exits, and it has been a few years since his last deployment. Things do get better over time but as soon as they do they get deployed again. The reintegration process they go through is a joke, the main thing they need when they get home I have learned is time, patience, understanding.
That's okay Menefee
Dick, Paul, and Don are watching all their Haliberton, Blackwater, and KBR buddies count all the $$$$$$ of the likes of you. Smile.
As a mother of a soldier, I can say that the families don't know how to help their returning family members. Wifes are given some directions, but not much. The rest of the family (Mom, Dad, siblings) don't know how to help. Do we ask them to talk about their experiences? Do we just let them be? Do we try to do family get togethers or is that too many people around at once? Would it help if we could take them on vacation? And then where do we go, somewhere secluded or an amusement park type place? I never know what to do when my son comes home. I pretty much just let him be and figure that he will talk when he feels like it. But is that right.
After his first deployment, the very first thing he did was buy a pistol. When I asked him why, he said that for the time he was deployed, his weapon was with him 24/7 and he felt naked and unprotected without it. It took a long time before he would go anywhere without it.
Bottom line, the families of those returning need information on how to help them deal with their return.
I'm a wife obviously, but I've had experience as a daughter/sister too. to address your questions I can only give you my opinion.
No, they'll tell you if and when they're ready. Number one question to NEVER EVER ask: How many people have you killed?
Unless you see signs of trouble, yeah pretty much. Let them know you love them and that you're there if they need you, we have to understand that unless we've been there done that, we can THINK we'll understand, but do we really? We basically have no concept of what they've seen or done.
I've personally always waited at least a month, it's hard for the other family members to understand (unless they've been military themselves) but you just have to emphasize that they need a "minute" to regroup. (The only one who ever really understood that in our family was my brothers and my husbands Father) they were a big help in dealing with that too.
In my experience, no. They need to get re-acclimated to their home surroundings, we never did anything until my husband had been home at least a month if not longer.
I would say definitely no on the amusement park, but it all depends on your soldier I guess.
I personally think you're doing the right thing.
There is a lot of resources out there, it's just unfortunate they're so hard to find.
so-il.2 - The best thing I think you can do is be the family you once were. Don't tiptoe around. Do what you have always done and don't change it. Don't have any big gatherings for awhile though and don't take him to crowded places until he settles back in to somewhat of a normal life. His life has been altered forever and he will have to learn to live with that in his daily life.
If you want to feel normal and be all you can be don't join the military.And yes I am a vet.
where was all the worry about Viet Nam vets when they came home all they got was @!$%# on
This is horribly horribly true bryan and it shouldn't have been that way, but do our returning vets not deserve it because a mistake happened, that I would like to think is being corrected now?
no they deserve it also but i seen first hand how bad the Viet Nam vets were treated we are trying to do better for these guys than the ones before and it should be that way
I agree bryan, like I said in another post had I been alive during the "Vietnam era" I wouldn't have lasted very long, I would have been in the hospital a lot having my foot removed from some hippies ass, and then having to be bailed out of jail. The very thought of someone spitting on my father and calling him a baby killer makes my skin crawl.
There are still people like that though unfortunately, my husband's been spit on a few times (those bitches were VERY lucky I happened to not be there) but I can take heart in the fact that these days, there's more of "us" than there is of "them"
Believe it or not, there's not anything you can do to help a returning vet anymore than you could help them during their tour of duty...all of these people had motives for joining the military and those motives are still at work although somewhat modified by the military experience...returning vets are just another slice of the population...if people knew how the returning vet did their job in the military it would be easy to predict their actions in society...unfortunately most people have a preconceived notion that all returning vets are exactly the same and something may trigger a violent reaction or a meltdown...their just people like everyone else...
We have to learn to let go.............all of us
I agree our Vets need help to adjust back to normal life... but I disagree with the charges that our government is more concern about immagration than about the welfare of our veteran. This adminstration has been supportive of our returning troops in my opinion. The past adminstration sent our soliders to war for a lie and for the their thieving partners...they sold a bill of goods to the American public that they could not afford. They used our fear to devert money to the rich for commodity that were over priced and for oil that we never got. They used you and all of us...to steal from the kitty....we let them and now the GOP and their supporters want to blame...everything and everyone else for their greed. Thank you troops for the job you have done...my wish is that the GOP and all of their lunatic supporters...bite the bullet that you had to duck...go to jail for steal from this government...be brought up for treason for sending this country down this slippery slope of despair.
Dear Jeanette, let this 67 year old Vietnam veteran assure you that Barack Obama doesn't care one bit more about the veterans than George Bush did. Neither one gives a damn about veterans.
EddieTheKid - Maybe if you were with President Bush after he left the office of President when he and his wife were at the airport numerous times welcoming home the troops or with the disabled vets they welcomed to their ranch for some down time with the man who sent them over there in the first place then you might change your tune on Goeorge W. Bush. Him and his wife do this ALL the time so stfu.
Jeannette -
Then, tell me, why does Obama want to cut the military even more than Clinton did? How is that 'supporting the troops'?
First to his service I thank him for that. Second i hope his life can become close to normal ,going to sleep not knowing if he might wake up inside a blown up building with body parts missing is something nobody can imagine . And thanks to the Repbulicans for starting a war against that horrible nation called.....what is that oh...terrrorism....i just cant wait until we show that ...wait...there is no nation called terrorism...George W and all you republicans what did you start that costs the American people 1 billion dollars a day? and i almost for gotl the lives of many American Soldiers cause you wanted to protect oil rights,yeah George W,you made yourself multi millions off of investing in big oil, why do you think the Republicans want to drill off shore George W signed off on it making it law? but i hope all soldiers come home, alive ....stop protecting George .w and the republicans Investment...
What does it take to get it through the thick skulls of liberals that Iraq and Afghanistan were not illegal wars? Congress declared those wars - as required by law and the Constitution. All the President can do is request it of Congress.
By the way, you are way off on your budget amounts because even at the height of the actions this country spent on average $100 billion per year. It was never $1 billion per day as you claim.
Good morning,
I've read and re-read the Patter123 comment. I tried to be objective and to understand why someone would write a comment like that. For example, does Patter123 walk around the child cancer wards and tell the kids to "tough it out"? Does he visit a hospice and tell the patients with terminal diseases to quit complaining? I believe that Patter123 was taught at an early age to hate. I concluded that Patter123's pathology does not allow him to feel anything remotely close to compassion and decency. He (or she) is a victim/casualty, too.
A tip to returning veterans:
If you plan on living off the government for awhile, like I did for 40 years after coming back from Nam, first collect unemployment compensation for about 63 weeks and then collect the GI bill for 36 months. The reason you collect unemployment first is you only have about 1 year from your last day of work to to be eligible for unempolyment compenstaion. You can wait, I think, about 10 years to collect the G.I. bill, or at least you could back in my day. So, first collect unemployment compensation and then go to school under the GI bill. Use your government benefits. Your government used you. It'll give you about 4 1/2 years of income.
Eddie these returning troops get way better educational benies than you and I ever thought of getting.
I am not going to express my thoughts right, but here goes anyway.
I think the smart people (not me) have to reconsider who it is we send to war. Back in the day we DRAFTED and sent single men for the most part to fight the war. Married men had a way to get out of the draft or again for the most part were given a duty station somewhere other than in a war zone. This idea of sending the same old troops over and over again to Iraq and Afghanistan ain't worth the problems these fine mature men and women will face the rest of their lives.
I am suggesting we bite the bullet and bring back the draft. And this time around, we ensure elected official's children do in fact get drafted. We have to ensure children from well to do families like Mitt Romney serve the country. I say this because this is the only way we will not fight stoopid wars like we are ending in Iraq and Afghanistan. You can add Vite Nam to my list.
Hey, notsosmart, you made a great point. I don't know one guy who got drafted who was married back in the Vietnam days - as long as he was married before he got his draft notice. If you look at the Vietnam era draft classifications, which you can get on the internet, I think they made a mistake. It shows that married men had to have children to avoid the draft, but the reality was that they were not drafting married man back in the Nam days - even with no children. Thanks for being the first one to bring that point up.
My dad was married when he got drafted, with children. He volunteered for his second tour so that his brother didn't have to go.
I flew 1,266 Combat Missions for the C.I.A. in Southeast Asia. The missions were hair raising events to say the least. The best advice I can support after retiring from the Military and combat warfare is: stay connected with the Military by attending Military events.
1206 combat missions you say. Over how many weeks?
I can totally relate to these Men and Women. I can distinctly remember feeling "apart" from in 1974 after they ended the VN War, even my Best Friends from High School didn't understand because they hadn't done what I'd done nor been where I'd been. And in those days you were a dead giveaway until your hair grew out..
Thats why I think this article highlights the need for Veterans to be in the process of American Political descion making , especially any Warmaking activitys and Veterans Affairs.
Too many times recently in our Country Wev'e seen these chickenhawk types start something because they do not understand this exact thing right here, Guys like VP Cheney had 5 deferrments. That means our Government asked him five different times and He squirmed out of it each time. Look at what We ask these Men and Women to do, they will be changed for Life.
There are sure are a lot of troubles for returning soldiers. Maybe people should reexamine going in in the first place. A military that hasn't been used for defense since WWII, but is constantly used as offense, for reasons few intelligent people can understand, can play psychological havoc with someones mind who start to wonder why they killed all those people.
You are not alone, americans are been in guard with prayers for you, you and your family sacrify is your safe return...one thing at a time...Welcome Home....
I will suggest that it ias not the role of government to reintegrate our troops into our society and culture but it is the job of our citizenry. These are citizen soldiers, they need our help, understanding, patience and outreach. I think too often we cheer them on when they return, rightfully so, and then we expect them to self-integrate. I believe this article shows that the path to reintegration is difficult and long.
I do believe the federal government should make one concession to all military personnel. If they are sent to a combat zone they are automatically qualified for a $60,000 federal grant for job training. It would help returning warriors get back to work once leaving the armed forces and it would also force the government to think long and hard about entering into a war.
It's not the role of the government to payout for the lifetime of former presidents that accomplished little during their terms, either.
But I'm listening to Washington Journal's Wendy Ginsberg tell us that she attempted to contact the Department of Homeland Security's main office to find out why they have the authority to determine whether our former presidents and their families receive free - tax paid secret service, and for how long - instead of this decision originating constitutionally with the American people.
DHS isn't Congress is it.
So, it seems we have a law enforcement agency making determinations in excess spending that ought not be doing so according to the Constitution of the United States. They'll tell you it is constitutional law - which is a different beast, altogether. Constitutional law is supposed to draw extract principles of the Constitution and apply the rules. However, the disposition relies on what the particular judge decides at the particular time. Whether or not his or her opinion actually supports and defends the Constitution is up for debate. It seems this particular judge failed to do so. The people should always have actual authority through Congress to determine pay of our public officials that are described by the articles of the Constitution - only.
DHS was "unavailable" to return Ms. Ginsberg's call.
It's called the GI Bill
As I am listening to C-Span discuss the excessive benefits and perks that we provide the last 4 presidents, beginning with George W. Bush at 1.3 million annually - realizing that we had a slew of weak presidents that recklessly imposed upon our soldiers to intentionally engage in some "other-war" instead of a lawfully declared war - after we said we would never repeat Vietnam - and knowing that jobs are scarce - perhaps some of these soldiers should consider running for office. The only way to guarantee that you have a voice is to be the voice.
These former presidents are the greediest of United States history. Not one is in desperate requirement of this money during hard economic times. So - when they tell you how much they support veterans - tell them to relinquish their pay and donate or have it reallocated it to Veteran's Administration hospitals.
Harvard grads are not the only people in the United States that make good presidents. There are many others that are also United States citizens capable of doing the job well.
Take care of our veterans
Good article.
Much like his promise (and order) to close GITMO ending the war(s) and bringing our soldiers home is something that requires intense planning to minimize the damage both to the country and more importantly to the returning soldiers who suddenly find that most of the time their military skills are worthless if not detrimental in the civilian world.
GITMO is not closed because that was an impossible order. Obama wanted to keep a campaign promise and (like many other things he has done) FAILED to really consider what he was going to do with those persons being housed there. Ending wars and bringing home soldiers and discharging them is something that needs to be thought out and consideration for the soldiers needs to be a big factor in that consideration.
I can only hope that this article and other things bringing to light these soldier's problems will catch the attention of someone who cares in Washington DC and then will spend our tax dollars on something worthy for a change, like helping these returning soldiers cope with civilian life and teaching them useful civilian skills so they can become useful and productive members of the civilian world as they were in the military.
The last thing we need to do is blame these soldiers for their problems and simply ignore the problem. They need help and I for one hope they get it and soon before more soldiers find themselves victims with no where to turn.
I got out in 09, it was rough at first. no one knew how i felt and talking to people was difficult. Even getting a job was rough, it still is because i was injured and can't do what my training and skills prepared me to do. It does get easier though. Eventually you learn to sleep in, or atleast for more than 4 or 5 hours and driving, especially with others, feels safer when things don't explode and you stop hearing the klaxon every few hours. I still see the fencing around the base when i drive past chain link though, still can tell the difference between a gunshot and a blown tire, and still reach for my hip when i enter into a room i've never been in before. Welcome home all you guys though, remember your friends even if it feels like they may have forgotten you. Most importantly, don't keep your family out.
Nam vets welcome you to join our groups at the vet centers around the country. I've been there three years now. Several Iraq/Afghanistan vets have joined in.
Montana Bill ... when I got back to the real world from the Nam ... same thing, though in my case it was years later, when I first went camping as a Boy Scout Troop leader. In a way its nice to know that I'm not alone, or crazy ...
No, NewsmanZ, you're not crazy.
As this nation is laying a wreath at George Washington's tomb right now - I want to point out - it's not his birthday.
February 22 is his birthday.
Why are you there today on the 18th? He and Mr. Lincoln are not the same person. I think were Mr. Washington alive, he would object to that, and propose that we remember these president's birthdays on their rightful day of birth instead of enabling government employees to get another day off.
And those government employees are a good resource for the United States soldier to ask why their pay is so terribly high - exorbitant, even - and why your medical care and pension is delayed or not received.
The citizens at this time have no control over these things.