• 'Red Flags': Army takes note as vet rapper Soldier Hard's lyrics tackle suicide

    NBC News

    Jeff Barillaro, aka Soldier Hard, is an Iraq War veteran who has put his hip-hop talents to work. Barillaro sings gritty songs he hopes will raise awareness of PTSD and suicide.

    By Bill Briggs, NBC News contributor

    A hip-hop song beseeching battle buddies to be on watch for suicidal signals among their peers is being used — informally for now — within the Army as a prevention tool to help the branch stem an ongoing suicide crisis.

    “Red Flags,” penned and recorded by former Army tank gunner Jeff Barillaro, was created as an urgent call for current troops as well as Iraq and Afghanistan veterans not to ignore or miss the sometimes-subtle yet often-obvious behavioral changes known to precede many suicides, Barillaro said.

    “We’ve seen the red flags but we were blind to them,” said Barillaro, an Iraq War veteran who performs under the stage name Soldier Hard. Many of his songs and videos draw on his own raw experiences with a diagnosis of severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

    Through the end of March, the Army reported 81 apparent suicides this year among active-duty, Army Reserve and National Guard troops — one death every 26.7 hours. (Some cases remain under investigation). The fatal pace has increased slightly. During 2012, the Army reported 324 suicides within those groups — one death every 27 hours, according to the Pentagon. The latest estimate from the Department of Veterans Affairs showed that 22 veterans commit suicide daily.

    The Army — the branch most significantly impacted by suicides — has implemented an array of anti-suicide initiatives, but an Army Reserve adviser in Connecticut sees such a potent message in Barillaro’s lyrics, he believes the song can save lives.


    “I want to share his music with anyone willing ,to listen. I think anyone can relate to 'Red Flags,' " said Army 1st Sgt. Steve Kreider, who is based at an Army Reserve Center in Middletown, Conn. “It strikes a chord that this is something we really need to keep an eye open for. There are warning signs we have to recognize not only in other people but in ourselves — I'm being reclusive or I'm drinking too much — these are all signs that something is going on in your life that could be detrimental down the road." 

    'Maybe we can stop it'
    Kreider has shared “Red Flags” with some of his soldiers in Connecticut — and "for everyone of them, it's had a positive impact," he said. Meanwhile, another Army veteran recently played the song for soldiers at Fort Knox, Ky., Kreider said. 

    Moreover, Kreider has now shared the video "with a lot of different higher-ranking people. I'm sure that they're looking at it closely to see if this is something that would fit the mold of what the military can utilize as a tool," he said. 

    "And if not, word of mouth is a powerful took itself," he added. "It's close to going viral." 

    Since the song’s video was released April 17 on YouTube, it has received nearly 17,000 views. The lyrics are rooted in two actual suicides that stuck hard with Barillaro as he researched the topic by clicking through a blur of military obituaries.

    The first verse details a well-decorated Iraq War veteran who, once he shed his uniform and medals, lost his pride yet gained anger while grappling with PSTD, a traumatic brain injury, alcoholism and isolation before clutching a gun and scrawling a farewell note: “I’m better off dead.” In verse two, an active-duty soldier is devastated by survivor guilt after the combat loss of a close friend. He ultimately hanged himself in his bedroom. (Two soldiers pictured in the video are living service members who allowed their images to be used.)

    Iraq War veteran and hip-hop artist Jeff "Soldier Hard" Barillaro discovered that sharing his experience with PTSD in music helped him and other veterans deal with the effects of the condition. Barillaro talks to MSNBC's Alex Witt.

    “He was a hard charger but now he’s just ate up,” Soldier Hard sings of the second man.

    “‘Ate up’ – that’s a military term for being all messed up, for not being a good soldier anymore. This guy used to be good but after he came back, he just shut down,” Barillaro said. “That’s a red flag. But we didn’t see that.

    “Real topics. People can relate to these. I decided to turn their stories into a song,” he added. “A lot of these guys, they’re showing signs before they actually do it. I decided I had to do something. Maybe we can stop it.”

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  • Soldier Hard's hip-hop lyrics reveal PTSD's rough edges

    Iraq war veteran Jeff Barillaro is using his hip hop music to help fellow soldiers returning from war to cope with post-traumatic stress disorder. NBCNews.com's Alex Witt reports.

    By Bill Briggs, NBC News contributor

    Sleep-starved from a repeating nightmare and weary from wondering when all that therapy would reignite his fading hope, former Army tank gunner Jeff Barillaro took aim at his stubborn target with an attack as brilliant as it was simple.


    He decided to break up with PTSD.

    And he would do it in his increasingly famous style — studio-recorded hip-hop, under his stage name, Soldier Hard.

    “I thought: If I could write a letter to PTSD, what would I say to PTSD? Then I thought: Oh, wow, this is going to be powerful,” said Barillaro, an Iraq War veteran, out of the service since 2010, who has steadily gained fame among active-duty troops, young veterans and their families for his bare, often-bleak music about the daily demons of living with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

    Last May, “Dear PTSD,” streamed from his busy mind to his scribbling fingers and, ultimately into a microphone: “Did you listen good when I said, Leave me be? PTSD, get the hell away from me. Cuz you held me down, didn’t even let me sleep, didn’t even let me breathe, didn’t let me live in peace.”

    Courtesy of Omar Diaz Photography

    Jeff Barillaro, a.k.a. Soldier Hard.

    Within the genre of modern military music, Barillaro has ventured a bit further from the mainstream with his growing stockpile of PTSD songs — lyrics and beats tapped from his anger, isolation, divorce, and what he calls “my dark world,” all byproducts, he believes, of extended combat tension and witnessed war horrors.

    He has recorded 14 albums, laying down his first tracks on “a minimum setup” at Camp Taji, Iraq, where he discovered that “between missions I could create music as my escape.” He has launched a nonprofit record label, Redcon-1 Music Group, that already boasts a roster containing an Air Force staff sergeant, a Navy sailor, Marine Staff Sgt. Jerry Lozano, and two Army soldiers, including Fort-Hood-based Spc. Stephen Hobbs.

    'Music has saved my life'
    “I wanted to give other military artists and veterans a chance to tell their stories,” Barillaro said. “Because I know how much music has saved my life. Maybe it can save their life, too.

    “I want them to know that same feeling I get when it comes to music, when I’m writing it, and when I’m done and I’m listening to it. I forget where I’m at, any problems I’m having, any bills I can’t pay. It keeps my mind clear. It keeps me sane. That’s why I believe music can really heal people.”

    Some of the fans Barillaro has attracted say they are alive only because of the ex-gunner’s lyrical lash outs at anxieties affecting an estimated 20 percent of the men and women who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    One night in 2007, former Army Corp. and Iraq veteran Keith Briggs said he “was sitting at the computer with a bottle in one hand and a gun in the other,” contemplating shooting himself. He had been diagnosed with PTSD in 2005 just after returning from his second deployment.

    Courtesy of Jeff Barillaro

    Jeff Barillaro looks at old records of former Iraqi prisoners at Camp Taji, Iraq, after U.S. forces took control of the base.

    “For some reason I decided to get on Youtube and I found his song ‘Support Us.’ It changed my outlook on PTSD,” said Briggs, 30, who lives in Shelbyville, Ky. “I knew I was not alone. Soldier Hard's music has saved my life. It has stopped me from suicide. PTSD is a real threat to veterans. Soldier Hard’s music is the tool to fight this."

    PTSD expert Dr. Sydney Savion, a retired military officer who has heard Barillaro’s songs, said many of the artist’s themes — particularly when he confronts PTSD — could evoke positive emotions in listeners with post-combat stress. They feel, she said, that he is speaking directly to them, forging a vital bond across the Internet and reinforcing the notion that they are not alone as they all strive to recover.

    “Research does suggest that certain music can regulate negative emotions,” said Savion, a Texas-based applied behavior scientist. “But conversely, some therapists have found some music with spoken words or lyrics could cause and has caused agitation when its played for those diagnosed with PTSD. So there is a duality between whether the music will evoke a positive feeling or whether it will conjure up those memories that can cause negative feelings. Not everyone’s going to respond to the music in the same way.

    “But there is no definitive line that a rapper should or shouldn’t cross,” she added, “because each individual will respond to it differently.”

    'Telling horror stories'
    Of course, the quiet irony underscoring Barillaro’s art: PTSD has typically — and purposely — remained a private struggle for many young war veterans. Within the military, the unofficial mantra has been: “Take care of your own business,” or worse: “Getting help is for the weak.” That has affixed PTSD with a social stain common to other mental health issues.

    Barillaro, however, has literally shouted out almost every step of his path away from PTSD, stigma and all.

    At first, he admits, he was tentative about revealing too much.

    “I didn’t want to be looked at as a weak person, and I didn’t want people to be scared (of me). But I was just going to say it because it’s how I feel,” Barillaro said. “And I know there’s a lot of people out there who feel the same way I did. So I decided: I’m going to write it and I’m going to start telling horror stories.

    “And then it became not about myself anymore. Because I started seeing how much the music would help other people. Then I was like: Alright, I’m just going to let loose now and let everything out because these people out there are going through same thing I was going through and this gives them some hope.”

    The music has helped him. It hasn’t cured him completely. The old nightmare still haunts his sleep: He’s with his buddies in a “Middle Eastern setting,” he said. They begin to take fire from the enemy. His friends are shooting back. But in the dream, Barillaro tosses away his weapon, hides his head and begins sobbing.

    “That same dream always, always. But that’s not how I reacted while I was in combat. I was on it," he said. "I don’t even sleep anymore when I wake up from one.”

    Courtesy of Jeff Barillaro

    Jeff Barillaro, a.k.a. Soldier Hard, crouches in an abandoned building at Camp Taji, Iraq, in 2005

    Which — to no one’s surprise — inspired a song released last July: “Intro-Therapy Session.” He takes listeners inside a conversation with a psychologist during which he is asked about any nightmares he’s been experiencing.

    “I’m scared, crying and I’m frightened. Then I wake up hella sweaty," he raps. "Tell me why this be. I just wanna die, please tell me: Why me?”

    The song’s final verse — accompanied by an ominous, sharp pop and a woman's scream — is not pretty. But, as Barillaro has been preaching all these years, neither is living each day with PTSD. 

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