A gay man whose wedding photo was pulled from Facebook after an anonymous complaint believes the social network’s reporting policy allows for a "subversive" type of harassment.

The photo of Pastor Kelsey Swope-Wise, 37, and his husband, Bishop Erik Swope-Wise, 49, of Elgin, Ill., was taken down from the Gay Marriage USA Facebook page on Monday after someone lodged a complaint with Facebook. The administrator of the page, Murray Lipp, said Facebook informed him on Monday that the image of the biracial couple standing together at their April 28, 2012, wedding "violates policies and community standards."

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"It’s subversive, the type of harassment, meaning that you can do it anonymously," Erik Swope-Wise, who founded a local chapter of The Affirming Pentecostal Church International, told NBC News on Tuesday. “So you can throw the rock and hide your hand. There’s no accountability for somebody’s actions. So somebody could make that accusation, ‘Well this picture’s offensive.’ Well we don’t know who said that, so how can we even go back to them and say, ‘Why is this offensive? Tell me why it’s offensive.’”

Facebook restored the photo on Tuesday and apologized to Lipp, who told NBC News that the social networking site had initially blocked his ability to post for one week in addition to taking down the photo. This wasn’t the first time he has had problems with posts being reported.

“Sadly, Facebook's reporting system is so flawed that it allows people against equality to attack & target pages like mine and Facebook almost ALWAYS sides with those who complain. I was given no opportunity to respond or say anything … ,” he wrote in an e-mail.

Erik Swope-Wise said Lipp asked to post the image last weekend. He initially was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support in comments and likes, but then the messages turned “hateful” and “condescending.” Some who made comments were upset because the men are Pentacostal, which traditionally rejects same-sex marriage, though their church does not.

Facebook spokesman Andrew Noyes told NBC News in an email that the photo did not violate their “policies or community standards and was removed in error. The image has been restored and we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused." A team reviews hundreds of thousands of reports every week, and occasionally mistakes are made, he said.

“I accept that … we’re all subject to human error,” Erik Swope-Wise said. “However the process by which Facebook uses to make those determinations is probably a little too mechanical. When a person puts an opposition to a post … it’s a list of choices that you choose to describe why this is offensive or inappropriate but there gives no validation, you know, as to what that really is.”

What might be offensive to one group may not be to another, and the term “offensive” was also “too general,” he added. “I think the scrutiny of it needs to be a little more clear before they take such harsh action.”

Rich Ferraro, a spokesman for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), said he has seen this happen before but that Facebook has always taken quick action.

“More often than not reporting tools on sites like Facebook are used positively to report anti-LGBT bullying or hate speech. Unfortunately, anti-LGBT users have also used these tools to target LGBT community members -- but when GLAAD has brought incidents like this to Facebook, they have always immediately restored the content,” he wrote to NBC News in an email.

Issues can arise when social networking sites wade into heated debates.

"This is involving a lot of judgment calls right, like what is hate speech and what is a political statement. It's extraordinary difficult some times," said Rebecca Jeschke, a spokeswoman for the nonprofit Electronic Frontier Foundation, which advocates for the public’s digital rights.

She said best practices would be to have a “really clear procedure for contesting any kind of take down and for that to be followed consistently.”

"Lots of activists use these forums for their activism and so if you censor their activity through Facebook then you're functionally censoring their speech activity on the Internet,” she said. “Facebook isn’t like a state government. It can restrict speech in any way it wants, but sometimes the ramifications are the same."

Lawmakers in Rhode Island's House on Thursday easily passed a bill to allow gay marriage, putting the state one step closer to joining the rest of New England in legal recognition of same-sex couples.

But observers on both sides of the issue said that the ultimate fate of the legislation was hard to call.

The bill passed the House 51-19, but it faces a much more difficult battle in the state Senate, supporters and opponents said.

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Moments after the House vote, Rhode Island Gov. Lincoln Chafee, a firm supporter of the measure, tweeted: "Certain votes can be characterized as 'historic.' RI House's overwhelming passage of marriage equality is one such vote."

Opponents were quick to weigh in as well.

The House vote "undermines the common good of our state and strikes against the very foundation of our culture," said a statement from the Rhode Island Catholic Conference. "Unfortunately, this bill redefines marriage and fails to protect the religious liberties of many faith communities and individuals of conscience who believe that marriage is a union of one man and one woman."

"There is incredible momentum behind this movement," said Ray Sullivan, the campaign manager for Rhode Islanders United for Marrriage, a coalition of groups that had pushed for passage. There was "first a unanimous Judiciary Committee vote, and now two-thirds of members, Republicans and Democrats, stood in support of marriage equality."

The vote came after nearly two hours of discussion among state representatives.

The focus will now turn to the state Senate, which must hear its version of the bill by April 11.

That battle is expected to be much closer.

"We're not taking anything for granted," said Sullivan. "Tonight we will celebrate and tomorrow we will double and triple our efforts."

In lobbying a state senators who are on the fence or opposed to same-sex marriage, Sullivan said his group will continue to emphasize the human side of the issue, bringing the testimony of same-sex couples who have been together for decades to legislators, an approach he believes was the key to persuading undecided members of the House.

Same sex couples have the legal right to marry in nine states plus Washington, D.C. They include Rhode Island's neighbors in the northeast — Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maryland, Vermont, Maine, New York and New Hampshire — as well as Iowa and Washington state. 

Follow Kari Huus on Facebook
 

The images out of Washington state toward the end of 2012 — all-night parties celebrating legalized pot and same-sex marriage — sparked hope among liberal activists that the tide has turned on these two issues.

Even though national polls show more openness to pot and gay marriage nationwide, it raised the question — why Washington?

Oregon, the state’s blue neighbor to the south, has not successfully mounted campaigns to approve pot or same-sex marriage. California has had a messy relationship with both issues, and Idaho swings solidly right.

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There are a number of unique factors that made Washington ripe for these liberal reforms, experts say.

"There’s a libertarian streak in Washington, and there are more atheists. Religion is part of this," University of Washington Professor John Findlay told NBC News. The state is one of the least religious, with only about half of Washingtonians telling the Gallup poll in 2008 that religion plays a part in their daily lives.

Beyond pot and same-sex marriage, Washington also allows physician-assisted suicide (as do Oregon and Montana) and was one of four states that decriminalized abortion before Roe v. Wade in 1971. To top off its liberal cred: A Democrat has been in the governor's office since 1980 — longer than any other state.

But to describe Washington as a purely liberal state is to oversimplify its politics. Outside of the Puget Sound area, Washingtonians have more in common with Red State residents than they do coffee-craving Seattleites.

"Without Seattle, we’d be Idaho," says pollster H. Stuart Elway. Seattle-area voters accounted for one-third of the state total.

Washington has no income tax, and the possibility of implementing one is rarely mentioned, even during tough economic times; in 1998, voters nixed affirmative action; two years later, they approved $30 license plate tab renewals, a dramatic fee reduction that cut into city and state coffers, hiking up bus fares and leaving potholes unfilled.

What ties all these measures together, beyond a "live and let live" ethos, is the state's initiative and referendum process, which gives voters, not lawmakers, the power to set policy much more directly than in other states.

Findlay says the initiative process can be traced back to the state’s early days, when Washingtonians, buoyed by the progressive and populist movements, didn't trust their politicians. While politicians in most other states manage what goes on the ballot, Washingtonians can pay $5 to submit an initiative or referendum. Get 241,153 valid signatures (120,557 for a referendum) and that measure is inked on the ballot.

"There’s a legacy of distrust of the Legislature stemming from 100 years ago that has continued to shape politics for more than a century," Findlay said.

Although 24 states and the District of Columbia have an initiative process, it has been most used by the Western states, particularly California, Oregon and Washington, making them laboratories for special interest groups.

Take marijuana, for example, where outside money was a big part of the campaign. Drug Policy Action in New York fronted $1.6 million; Progressive Insurance CEO Peter Lewis, who supports drug reform and lives in Ohio, donated about $2 million.

Given their success in Washington and Colorado, Drug Policy Action is looking to push similar campaigns in California and Oregon in 2014 or 2016. Both states have legalized medical marijuana and in California, medical pot has becoming a booming business since it was approved in 1996. A 2007 federal study estimated that Californians consume one million pounds of pot a year.

"We have these results in Colorado and Washington under our belt, so that sort of fertilizes the ground," Dale Gieringer, who heads the California office of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, told Reuters. 

Outside money also played a role in the battle over gay marriage, but so too did some Washington billionaires, including Bill Gates, co-founder of Microsoft, and Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, who collectively gave more than $3 million to the campaign to approve same-sex marriage.

"The populist and progressive movements are over, and the feelings are over, but there’s this tool," Findlay said. "A lot of us complain about those things, but it doesn't matter, because it’s going to shape politics in this state. This is the tool we have that most other states don’t have. It’s part of how we do things here. And it doesn't work exclusively for progressives or conservatives."

Other reasons floated for the state’s unique positions on issues: Unions have long had a stronghold in the state, as have female politicians -- the state was home to Dixie Lee Ray, the fiery former governor whose motto during her 1976 campaign was “Little lady takes on big boys.”

But, as Elway noted, Washington’s votes often come down to the Seattle area. Elsewhere on Election Day, conservative Washingtonians watch in dismay as their leads are turned upside down as results from the metropolitan area trickle in.

State Republican Party Chairman Kirby Wilbur told the Seattle Times that the votes speak for themselves.

"Washington has always been a socially liberal and economically conservative state," he said.

To be fair, Washington may not be so far ahead of the rest of the country on social issues such as pot and same-sex marriage, according to Mark Smith, who teaches political science at the University of Washington.

Smith noted that 53.7 percent of Washingtonians approved same-sex marriage. Polling figures show a similar, if slightly lower, level of support nationwide.

"We’re not that far ahead of the nation,” Smith said. "The whole nation is trending; we’re just further along than the rest of the country."

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Santiago Ortiz was deeply in love and, he believed, near death when he asked Pablo Garcia to leave his native Venezuela and join him in New York. There was no time to bother with a visa. Ortiz was HIV positive and he wanted Garcia with him.

That was 26 years ago. Ortiz, an American, is still alive. He and Garcia were married in Connecticut last year. And Garcia still does not have a visa. The Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, blocks federal recognition of same-sex relationships.

"I told him, 'I might die tomorrow, I might die in a month,'" recalled Ortiz, soon to be 57, about that romantic moment in Caracas 26 years ago. "I said, 'Don't wait. Come now.'"

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The medical treatment of HIV has advanced markedly since the 1980s. Full legal acceptance of gay marriage still has a ways to go.

 

Their best hope for getting the same visa a heterosexual couple would be eligible for rests with the U.S. Supreme Court, which is expected to hear a challenge to DOMA this year in what could be a breakthrough for gay rights in America.

Although the two men were married in Connecticut, one of nine states that allows same-sex marriage, Garcia was denied his application for permanent residence — which is routine for foreign nationals in heterosexual marriages with Americans, even when the foreigner has overstayed his or her visa.

Garcia, 52, a playwright and a doctoral student in Spanish literature, remains in the United States illegally.

"He swept me off my feet," Ortiz, a retired school psychologist, said as he sipped coffee in the couple's colorful apartment in Queens. "For me, it's been easy. I can go wherever I want, I can travel, and Pablo has been there for me. Pablo doesn't have his papers and it's unfair."

There are at least 28,500 same-sex couples in the United States in which one partner is a U.S. citizen and the other is not, and 11,500 same-sex couples where neither partner is a U.S. citizen, according to the Williams Institute at the University of California Los Angeles.

This year, Barack Obama became the first U.S. president to endorse same-sex marriage, and in September his administration issued a policy that lesbian and gay couples be eligible for delays in deportation.

Even so, the wait has been excruciating for bi-national couples living with the threat that one partner could be deported.

"If you are hours from being put on a plane and being deported, there is relief (legal recourse)," said Rachel Tiven of Immigration Equality, a Washington-based group that is representing Ortiz and Garcia. "There is still no access to green cards or any other affirmative immigration benefit."

The Supreme Court was expected to decide whether it will hear a legal challenge to DOMA this session, and could make an announcement as soon as Friday.

'Baby Whisperer'
It took a decade of friendship for Maria del Mar Verdugo, a citizen of Spain, and Heather Morgan, an American living in New York, to realize they were in love and wanted to spend their lives together. They were married in 2011 and now share a sunny one-bedroom apartment near Columbia University in Manhattan.

Relaxing in their pajamas on a recent Sunday, they talked about living with the worry that Verdugo, who is 43, could lose her marketing job — and with it her employer's sponsorship of her work visa. Her current visa expires in 2013.

They long to have children, but say they are putting that off for now. Their preferred parenting roles — where Morgan, who works for a Jewish charity, would continue to work full-time and Verdugo would work part-time but stay home — is impossible as long as Verdugo's immigration status is attached to her job.

"I certainly always knew I wanted to be a mom. And Mar, if you see her with kids, she's like the baby whisperer," said Morgan, who is 36. "I guess more than anything we'd like to have the choice of when and how to raise children."

Still, they consider themselves fortunate because even the worst case scenario — Verdugo losing her work visa, and the couple having to relocate to Spain — would be tolerable. Spain is one of 11 countries that has legalized same-sex marriage and the couple has a network of friends and family in the country.

Another 14 countries also recognize same-sex couples for immigration purposes, but not the United States because of DOMA.

For Richard Dennis and Jair Izquierdo, who have been together for six years, Obama's 2011 directive came too late. Izquierdo, a 35-year-old makeup artist from Peru, came to New York in 2001 on a tourist visa and stayed on.

Two years ago, Izquierdo arrived at what he thought was a bridal job, but it turned out to be a sting operation and he was arrested. Several months later, in late 2010, Izquierdo was deported and given a 10-year ban on returning to the country.

The two speak or text several times a day, but Dennis, who is 49, says the home they bought together in Jersey City feels empty. Dennis said he has considered joining Izquierdo in Peru, but said he is reluctant in part because his own command of Spanish is poor.

"It hasn't split us up," Dennis said. "Physically it has, but not emotionally."

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Updated at 4:51 a.m. ET: SEATTLE – When the clock struck midnight here on Thursday, hundreds of gay couples were lined up outside the county courthouse to obtain marriage licenses, while a hundred or so pot-lovers gathered across town beneath the Space Needle to light up.

They could do this because last month, on Nov. 6, Washington state voters approved marriage for same-sex couples and legalizing marijuana. Both laws went into effect at midnight.

The King County Recorder's Office opened its doors to couples at 12:01 a.m. At the front of the line were Kelly Middleton, 24, and Amanda Dollente, 29. They had arrived at 4 p.m., worried they wouldn't get a spot in line. 

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They had gone through three cups of hot chocolate and countless cigarettes, worried they weren't prepared and anxious that the law might suddenly change – as it did in California in 2008.

"I ran around the building asking people, 'Are we in the right place? Will you look at my paperwork?'" Dollente said.

There was concern last week that the marriage licenses would still carry the words "bride" and "groom," but officials came through in time. The county printed out 1,000 marriage licenses with "bride," "groom" and "spouse" just in case. 

A history of pot, from George Washington to legalizing ganja
Photoblog: Pot fans light up at the Space Needle

Seventy-two couples down the line were Larry Duncan, 56, a retired psychiatric nurse, and Randell Shepherd, 48, a computer programmer, of North Bend, Wash. They wore matching duck hunter hats ("a fashion statement," Duncan joked) and matching shoulder-length white beards. They've been together 11 years.

"We were at a party and we met eyes and fell in love," Duncan said.

"He came up and asked me out, and I said yes," Shepherd added.

They’re considering getting married on Sunday at a church conducting mass ceremonies for same-sex couples, even though they’re not particularly religious.

 “Enough people have told me, ‘God hates fags,’” Duncan said, who described himself as 'Old South.' “I want someone in a church to say, ‘God loves fags,’ to have that stamp on it.”

Outside the courthouse, stickers were handed out and a group sang a cappella, pulling from gospel and the musical Rent. Some wore bridal veils or matching t-shirts; supporters passed out cups of coffee; one woman provided Kleenex; many hugged and kissed.

Inside were eight couples -- some of the movers and shakers who helped to pass the law -- who had been selected as the first to receive their marriage licenses. Among them: Pete-e Peterson, 85, and Jane Abbott Lighty, 77, have been together for 35 years after meeting on a blind date and falling instantly in love. They will be getting married during a Seattle Men's Chorus concert on Sunday.

(State law requires that couples wait at least three days after obtaining their licenses to get married, which means Sunday is the earliest day they can get married.)

Peterson grew up in Alabama and was an Air Evacuation nurse during the Korean War. She adopted her sister's 3-year-old daughter and raised her. Lighty, who grew up mostly in the Bay Area, was also a nurse.

"I never thought this day would come," Peterson told every reporter who asked.

Another couple, Amanda Beane and Anne Bryson-Beane, have been together for 15 years. They have adopted seven children who are between four and 12 and who dressed up to attend the ceremony.  

Neil Hoyt, 52, and Donald Glenn Jenny, 64, have been together for 24 years and will also be getting married at the Seattle Men's Chorus concert on Sunday night (where there will be a judge and 2,000 cupcakes).

According to UCLA's Williams Institute, same-sex marriage could pump $57 million to the state economy in the first year – resulting in $5 million of tax revenue.

Two miles away, revelers prepared to roll a joint or lift a pipe – even though it is illegal to smoke marijuana in public in Washington state.

Not that the smokers were too worried. Sgt. Sean Whitcomb told The Associated Press earlier in the week that the Seattle Police Department did not expect to write many tickets – a 2003 law made marijuana the department's lowest priority.

Related: For those hazy on pot law, Seattle police produces marijuana guide

But Seattle City Attorney Pete Holmes discouraged celebrants from smoking in public, telling KUOW they should smoke at home.

"And be thankful that we're no longer arresting some 10,000 Washingtonians a year in the state of Washington and spending well over $100 million in law enforcement resources on that," he added. "And especially be grateful for lessening the racially disproportionate impact that these crazy drug laws have on our communities of color."

Before midnight, the U.S. Department of Justice issued several sobering statements, reminding revelers that pot remains illegal at the federal level, and that any amount of the substance may not be brought into federal buildings, national parks and forests and military installations. And according to one statement: 

The Department of Justice is reviewing the legalization initiatives recently passed in Colorado and Washington State. The Department’s responsibility to enforce the Controlled Substances Act remains unchanged. Neither States nor the Executive branch can nullify a statute passed by Congress.

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They’ve been dismissed as quacks, homophobes and in denial, but therapists who counsel patients on shedding their gay feelings insist that their work is needed.

“If a person wants to be gay, and thinks he is gay, then that’s perfectly fine,” said Joseph Nicolosi, who founded a so-called "reparative" therapy practice in Encino, Calif. “I want to be available for those who want to change.”

In recent months, Nicolosi and his colleagues have come under fire for their position that people can diminish gay feelings through therapy, a process referred to as "sexual orientation change effort" by the American Psychological Association.

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• Last week, four men who underwent conversion therapy sued their New Jersey provider, saying they were shamed and falsely led to believe they could be “cured” of being gay. 
• In California, Governor Jerry Brown signed a law that bans the use of sexual orientation change effort on minors. The ban, supposed to take effect on Jan. 1, was put on hold by a judge Monday, but only for three California therapists who challenged the law.
• Psychiatrist Robert Spitzer, a leader in psychiatry in the 20th century, apologized in May for publishing an article saying that conversion therapy was possible for motivated patients. Exodus International, a nonprofit for ex-gay Christians, came out weeks later saying they don’t recommend “therapies that make changing sexual orientation a main focus.”

But Nicolosi, who has been in practice for 25 years and who coined the term "reparative," stands firm: “We need to understand there’s a lot of mystery about human sexuality. You can’t say gay once, gay always.” 

Conversion therapy draws on Sigmund Freud’s theory that all people are born bisexual and that some become gay because of their upbringing, which he wrote about in Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality. Many therapists offered some form of sexual orientation change therapy until around 1973, when homosexuality was removed from the psychiatric guide to mental disorders, according to the American Psychological Association.

In a 2009 resolution, the association stated that therapists who persist with such therapies appeared to be part of the broader “conservative political movements that have supported the stigmatization of homosexuality on political or religious grounds.”

Psychology can acknowledge different viewpoints, the resolution says, but such therapies contradict rigorous studies. “Belief in the hope of sexual orientation change followed by the failure of the treatment was identified as a significant cause of distress and negative self-image.”   

Related: Four men sue New Jersey organization over ‘gay conversion therapy’

David Pickup, a licensed therapist in Glendale, Calif. who trained with Nicolosi, went through sexual orientation change therapy in his early 30s. Pickup, 56, believes he was attracted to men because he was molested several times by a high school student when he was five. He describes himself as a “typically religious, conservative guy."

“I had challenges with homosexual feelings but never identified being gay for me was innate or inborn,” he said. “I never lived the gay lifestyle. I just had sexual experiences.”

Pickup is quick to differentiate himself from those who practice aversion therapy, which tries to eliminate a behavior or desire by associating it with pain. Those who were sued in New Jersey were accused of shaming patients and forcing them to strip off their clothes in group sessions. 

“I can say this: I don’t do oranges therapy, and I don’t do naked therapy,” Pickup said. (In the New Jersey lawsuit, one of the young men said oranges were used to represent testicles.) Rather, he said, his practice is focused on talk therapy and working through a client's issues.  

Pickup is not married. “I’m still looking,” he said. His friends are straight, for the most part, he said, although he remains close to a gay man from his past. He said they are like brothers, even though they disagree on matters of sexuality.

Both Nicolosi and Pickup belong to NARTH -- National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality -- which includes about 350 therapists, according to its vice president, David Pruden. Unlike Nicolosi and Pickup, Pruden said most of those therapists have just a few gay clients within a larger practice.

“People get the idea that someone comes in and we say, ‘How do you feel about that?’ and then, ‘We’re going to fix that,’” Pruden said. “You really don’t. What you really do is treat them like any other client that is distressed about anything, and you work on distress.”

Through talk therapy, he said, some clients say their same-sex attractions are diminished.

Most of Nicolosi's clients are men from conservative, religious backgrounds, he said. About 40 percent are teens, and about half of them, sent by their parents, say they don’t want to change or are confused.

“We say, fine, you want to be gay, but are you curious in understanding why you’re gay?” Nicolosi said.

Nicolosi's theory is that men are attracted to other men because of how they were raised. He bases this notion on conversations he had early in his career with gay men.

“As I listened to these men, I started to hear common themes of their childhood,” Nicolosi said. “Overinvolved, intrusive mother, distanced, detached or hostile father, so that the boy did not bond with the father. That became the foundation of the understanding. I looked into the literature. I saw that there was an entire tradition of psychoanalytic understanding.”

So why not accept that his patients might be gay?

Knowing the reason for their same-sex attraction is consoling to patients, Nicolosi said. “They’re no longer weirdos or perverts or degenerates or whatever. Now they realize that their same-sex attraction is an attempt to repair a sense of not belonging to men.”

On his website, Nicolosi has transcribed some of these conversations. In many, the men describe wanting a “normal life.”

One man, married 31 years, told Nicolosi: “I wanted what most everybody wants — I wanted family, security. I wanted to grow old together with somebody that I was committed to. I wanted children, a house, a job, and a picket fence, all of those things — the American dream. And I couldn’t have that with homosexuality.”

In some places, gay couples can enjoy much of what Opp desired: Same-sex marriage is legal in nine states, and same-sex couples can adopt children together in all U.S. states except Mississippi and Utah. 

“Gay marriage doesn’t cut it for this clientele,” Nicolosi said. “They want a woman. They want a male-female relationship. They don’t want to be living with a guy in a marriage. That’s too radical for them.”

Some patients take years to feel less gay; others never do, he said.

“Some can walk away and say they have no homosexual attraction, period,” he said. “That’s rather rare. A lot of them say, ‘My homosexuality comes up rarely and not really strongly. It’s something that I can dismiss.’”

NARTH’s Pruden said fewer patients are seeking to change their sexual orientation these days because society has become more accepting.

“Once people felt less shamed – and I think that’s really positive – there was less a feeling that they couldn’t talk about it,” Pruden said. But those who do want to minimize those feelings, Pruden said, “deserve to have their needs met as well.”

“To say to them, we’re not willing to walk alongside you in your journey feels to me as cruel as the other extremes we used to be at, when people were hurt for saying, ‘I’m gay, and I’m OK with that,’” Pruden said. “In a sense it’s a pro-choice movement – people should have the right to deal with this.”

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Cadet Chapel, the landmark Gothic church that is a center for spiritual life at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, was hosting its first same-sex wedding Saturday. 

Penelope Gnesin and Brenda Sue Fulton, a West Point graduate, were exchanging vows in the regal church in an afternoon ceremony attended by around 250 guests and conducted by a senior Army chaplain. 

The two have been together for 17 years. They had a civil commitment ceremony that didn't carry any legal force in 1999 but had longed hoped to formally tie the knot. The way was cleared last year, when New York legalized same-sex marriage and President Barack Obama lifted the "Don't ask, don't tell," policy prohibiting openly gay people from serving in the military. 

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The brides both live in New Jersey and would have preferred to have the wedding there, but the state doesn't allow gay marriage. 

"We just couldn't wait any longer," Fulton told The Associated Press in a phone interview Saturday. They wanted to get married quickly also because Gnesim, 52, is a breast cancer survivor with multiple sclerosis, USA Today reported.

Cadet Chapel, Fulton said, was a more-than-adequate second choice. 

"It has a tremendous history, and it is beautiful. That's where I first heard and said the cadet prayer," Fulton said, referring to the invocation that says, "Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half-truth when the whole can be won." 

The ceremony will be the second same-sex wedding at West Point. Last weekend, two of Fulton's friends, a young lieutenant and her partner, got married in another campus landmark, the small Old Cadet Chapel in West Point's cemetery. 

Fulton has campaigned against the ban on gays in the military as a board member of two groups representing gay and lesbian servicemen and servicewomen. She graduated in 1980 in the first West Point class to include women.

“I was just a small town kid awed by West point and I loved the Army. I was so proud that we created a legacy that opened doors for so many young women leaders to serve and make our army stronger,” Fulton said in a statement posted to YouTube. “Gay and lesbian soldiers no longer have to hide their lives and their families – makes them stronger, makes our army stronger, makes our military stronger.”

Fulton said the only hassle involved in arranging her ceremony came when she was initially told that none of West Point's chaplains were authorized by their denominations to perform same-sex weddings. 

Luckily, she said, they were able to call on a friend, Army Chaplain Col. J. Wesley Smith. He is the senior Army chaplain at Dover Air Force Base, where he presides over the solemn ceremonies held when the bodies of soldiers killed in action oversees return to U.S. soil. 

The couple planned on adding other military trappings to their wedding, including a tradition called the saber arch, where officers or cadets hold their swords aloft over the newlyweds as they emerge from the church.

NBC's Isolde Raftery contributed to this report.

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SEATTLE -- The side opposed to same-sex marriage in Washington state has conceded that Referendum 74 will likely pass.

“While we are disappointed, we are not defeated,” said Joseph Backholm, chairman of Preserve Marriage Washington, in a statement. “We are fighting for a cause that is true, and beautiful, and right – the sacred institution of marriage. It’s a cause worth fighting for, and we will continue to educate citizens and policymakers on the timeless truth that real marriage is the union of one man and one woman.”

NBC has also projected the measure will pass, marking a victory for advocates of same-sex marriage, who also saw successes in Maine, Maryland and Minnesota. The Senate also ushered in its first openly-gay senator, Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin.

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In Washington state, approving Referendum 74 changes the legal definition of marriage as a “civil contract between two persons." Previously, the law stated that marriage was between “a male and a female.”  

Related: 1 for 31 no more: Gay rights movement ends dismal record

The referendum also specifies that religious institutions may not be sued for refusing to marry same-sex couples.

The margin was too thin to determine whether the referendum had passed on Tuesday night, largely because of Washington’s mail-in ballot system. Votes postmarked Tuesday, Election Day, didn’t arrive until Wednesday or Thursday.   

Tuesday’s returns indicated that the referendum would pass, however, which ignited Capitol Hill, Seattle’s traditionally gay neighborhood. There, several blocks were shut down, a DJ blasted music, and the smell of marijuana wafted through the air. (The state had also passed the legalization of marijuana.)

Zach Silk, campaign manager for Washington United for Marriage, responded to the concession in a statement:

“From the beginning, this campaign told the stories of loving couples and their families who simply want to get married. All of us, from our volunteers, to our staff to the nearly 20,000 donors who invested in the freedom to marry, are enormously grateful to the voters of Washington State. Yes, we made history, but more importantly, we helped protect and defend thousands of families across the state.”

Advocates of same-sex marriage raised $14 million – far more than their opponents, who raised $2.7 million. That was partly thanks to a $2.5 million donation from Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, and his wife MacKenzie, and $600,000 from Bill and Melinda Gates. Both couples live in the Seattle area.

The opposition mounted a national campaign that was largely headed by the same team that passed Proposition 8 in 2008. More than $1 million of the campaign’s money came from the National Organization for Marriage, according to Washington state’s Public Disclosure Commission. The ads opposing same-sex marriage in Washington recycled footage that had been used in ads in Maine, Maryland and Minnesota.

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Two New York state women who were denied their dream wedding site because they are gay have filed a discrimination complaint that could set a precedent for whether businesses can choose their clientele.

The complaint with the state Division of Human Rights appears to be a first involving a wedding venue since same-sex marriage became legal in New York in July 2011, according to advocates on both sides of the issue. One prominent gay marriage opponent said the case could test the breadth of the law's religious freedom language.

Melisa Erwin and Jennie McCarthy, both 29 and of Albany, filed the complaint on Oct. 11 after Liberty Ridge Farm said they would not host their wedding next summer. The two women have been together for three years, according to WNYT-TV.

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When the owners, Robert and Cynthia Gifford, found out they were gay, they refused to book their wedding. 

Erwin told WNYT-TV's Abigail Bleck that Cynthia Gifford said that when she found out, “Well, now we have a problem.”

“When we asked why,” Erwin said, Cynthia Gifford replied, “My husband and I have been married a really long time and it’s great that you’re getting married, but you can’t do it here.”

Robert Gifford told WNYT-TV: “I think it’s our right to choose who we market to, like any business.”

The farm has refused to allow two gay couples to get married at their venue, WNYT-TV reported.

“We are a family business and we feel we ought to stay down the family path,” Gifford said.

The couple is no longer considering the farm as a wedding venue, but McCarthy said, "we just want to know that the policy is being changed to fit the laws so this doesn't happen to anyone else."

People took to Liberty Ridge Farm’s Facebook page to post messages of disgust or support.

Wrote one commenter beneath images of a family harvest event: “Stay on the family path. These are individuals who have no respect for Christian beliefs or moral beliefs. You done the right thing. They are the ones that are in the wrong.”

New York law exempts some religious-oriented institutions from having to accommodate same-sex weddings.

But Attorney David Fallon told WNYT-TV the law does not allow a “place of public accommodation” to discriminate but that judges haven’t interpreted the law.

“It seems like the women would have a strong argument that it is a place of public accommodation,” Fallon said.

If state officials determine there is a case of discrimination, they can order Liberty Ridge to take appropriate action and can set monetary damages. The division's administrative determination can be appealed to state courts.

There is at least one similar court case in New York. In September, a gay couple in Manhattan filed a lawsuit against a restaurant they allege canceled their rehearsal dinner and refused to cater their wedding after a manager said he did not want any "gay parties." The restaurant disputes the claim.

In August, a Vermont inn agreed to pay a $10,000 civil penalty to that state's Human Rights Commission and to place $20,000 in a charitable trust to settle a lawsuit that accused the business of refusing to host a wedding reception for two women.

Back in New York, Erwin emphasized on WNYT-TV’s Facebook page that she and McCarthy are not suing.

“We are not seeking compensation,” she said. “We are seeking a change in policy.”

NBC's Isolde Raftery contributed to this report.

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Updated at 12:34 p.m. ET: California has become the first state in the nation to ban therapy that tries to turn gay teens straight.

Gov. Jerry Brown announced Sunday that he has signed Senate Bill 1172, which prohibits children under age 18 from undergoing “sexual orientation change efforts.”  The law, which goes into effect Jan. 1, prohibits state-licensed therapists from engaging in these practices with minors. 

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"Governor Brown today reaffirmed what medical and mental health organizations have made clear: Efforts to change minors' sexual orientation are not therapy, they are the relics of prejudice and abuse that have inflicted untold harm on young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Californians," Clarissa Filgioun, board president of Equality California, said in a press release.

Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, added: “Governor Brown has sent a powerful message of affirmation and support to LGBT youth and their families. This law will ensure that state-licensed therapists can no longer abuse their power to harm LGBT youth and propagate the dangerous and deadly lie that sexual orientation is an illness or disorder that can be ‘cured.’”

The bill was sponsored by Sen. Ted Lieu, D-Torrance, who said bogus and unethical practices by mental-health providers to try to change a young person’s sexual orientation have resulted in irreparable psychological and emotional harm to patients.

"I am deeply honored Governor Brown signed SB 1172. The bill is necessary because children were being psychologically abused by reparative therapists who would try to change the child’s sexual orientation. An entire house of medicine has rejected gay conversion therapy. Not only does it not work but it is harmful. Patients who go through this have gone through guilt and shame, and some have committed suicide," Lieu told NBS News in a telephone interview on Sunday.

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Lieu called "gay cure" therapy "quackery" and said parents were never informed of its potentially dangerous aftereffects.

Supporters of the bill included several lesbian and gay-rights groups and mental health associations.

Among those who testified in support of the bill was Ryan Kendall, who said he underwent sexual orientation change therapy. He described his experience earlier this summer to the Assembly Business, Professions and Consumer Protection Committee:

“As a young teen, the anti-gay practice of so-called conversion therapy destroyed my life and tore apart my family. In order to stop the therapy that misled my parents into believing that I could somehow be made straight, I was forced to run away from home, surrender myself to the local department of human services, and legally separate myself from my family. At the age of 16, I had lost everything. My family and my faith had rejected me, and the damaging messages of conversion therapy, coupled with this rejection, drove me to the brink of suicide.”

The National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), a group of therapists who believe sexual orientation can be changed, opposed the bill. It said Lieu’s claims of widespread harms to minors are not backed up by scientific research.

In a statement, NARTH said plans to seek a temporary injunction against the law.

Meanwhile, other states have inquired about the legislation. In New Jersey, Assemblyman Tim Eustace, an openly gay Democrat, said he plans to introduce legislation to outlaw conversion therapy for minors in his state.

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