Yavapai County, Ariz., Sheriff's Office

Andri Jeffers, 26, is charged with one count of attempted robbery, with a toy penguin.

Sometimes the best reporting comes straight, no chaser, directly from the cops. As the Yavapai County, Ariz., Sheriff's Office reports with a straight face:

On November 23, 2011, at approximately 6:15 PM, Yavapai County Sheriff's Office deputies responded to a reported robbery at the Chevron Station in the 2700 block of Highway 69, Dewey-Humboldt. The Chevron employee stated that a female entered the mini-mart with her right hand concealed under her sweater, claiming she had a bomb, and demanding cash from the register. ...

Just after 7:15 PM, deputies located (Andri) Jeffers at her home in the 2900 block of North Kings Highway West, Castle Canyon Mesa. Jeffers was confirmed as the suspect initially by the surveillance photo and also identified by the clerk. Jeffers admitted to her participation in the robbery. Deputies learned the item she held under her shirt was a toy penguin. She was arrested and booked at the Camp Verde Detention Center for one count of Attempted Robbery.

You can read the full arrest report here. (.pdf)